


Now, Forever, Always

by Antarctic_Echoes



Series: Luciferian Fics (One shots) [35]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, F/M, Lots of Angst, Lucifer and Chloe are married, Post-Series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-18 05:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11867676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/pseuds/Antarctic_Echoes
Summary: As Lucifer and Chloe’s five year wedding anniversary approaches, Chloe is diagnosed with a terminal illness.  With Heaven off-limits to him, Lucifer is terrified of losing her and struggles to cope.  How will he manage to live without her?  Is it even possible?  Although he has friends and family, nothing would ever be the same without his detective....Post-series multiple chapter one-shot.NOTE:  Triggers listed in the end note.





	1. Diagnosis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Navaros](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navaros/gifts), [titC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/titC/gifts).



> This is for my wonderful, fantastic friend, Navaros, who was there for me when I needed support, and who also helped me with the summary. You are super-awesome! Thank you!!! <3 <3 <3
> 
> And this is also for my amazing friend titC who so kindly offered to beta this monster when I said I would beta it myself. Thank you!!! <3 :D <3
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker, Trixie Decker, Dan Espinoza, Ella Lopez, Linda Martin, Mazikeen, Amenadiel and Penelope Decker are owned by Vertigo Comics, DC Comics, Neil Gaiman, Mike Carey, and everyone else involved with the Lucifer TV show and comic books. I own nothing and make no money on this. I merely am borrowing the characters for... uh... writing practice.

 

 

It started as an innocuous pain in her back, on the right side.

Lucifer noticed that every once in a while she would rub the spot that bothered her, especially after eating.  He didn’t think much of it at first.  Chloe was only forty-three -- hardly old, but she did have more aches and pains than she used to after all the abuse her body took from being on the force.  He had tried to encourage her to take a desk job, but she had laughed in his face.  “Detectives work until they retire,” she said.  “And besides, I love what I do -- especially with you by my side.  I’ll do this job until I die.”

She had enjoyed relatively good health during their five year marriage.  Sure, there was the occasional scare -- like the time she had been shot and had to be hospitalized.  That was when Lucifer discovered that the healing properties of his angel feathers didn’t work on her.  He had gone mad with worry until her injury had mended.  And then there had been the time when she had gotten a very bad case of the flu, and he had feared she would die.  After she recovered, he watched over her like a hawk, protecting her as best as he could and making sure she got all her flu shots.

So it bothered him when he saw her hand on her back after they had eaten breakfast.  “Right.  You’re rubbing it again,” he said as he dried the dishes.

She winced as she stood up from the dining table.  “It hurts a bit more this morning.”

“Are you sure you’re all right?”  He finished wiping the plate and put it in the cupboard.  “It’s been bothering you for some time, now.”

Chloe gave him a smile.  “Stop worrying, Mister Worrywart.  You think every little ache and pain I have is the harbinger of death -- it’s not.  I’m sure it’s nothing.”

“We should go see the doctor, just in case.”

“Look it’s just a muscle spasm or something.  It only bothers me after I eat.”

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed as he studied her for a long moment before he tossed the dish towel down on the counter.  “Right.  We’re going to the doctor, right after I drop Beatrice off at school.”  He hollered down the hall.  “Beatrice!  Get your things together, you’re going to be late!”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Probably gallstones, the doctor said after giving her a quick examination.  Nothing to worry about.  

But the pain didn’t go away -- it got worse.

“That man’s a quack,” Lucifer spat as he rubbed her back after lunch, two weeks after the diagnosis.  His insides churned as he watched her wince.  “Look, love, we’ll go see another doctor.”

Recovering from a bout of bronchitis, Chloe coughed and shook her head.  “No, I’m sure it’s nothing.”

His eyes narrowed as he glared at her.  “If it was nothing, it would have gone away by now.”

She leaned over and patted her hand.  “I know you’re worried, but --”

“But nothing.  We’re going.”  Sweeping her into his arms, he walked through the penthouse and toward the elevator.

“Lucifer, put me down, for crying out loud!”

Leaning over, he silenced her with a kiss.  “Humor me, dearheart.  Humor this old Devil.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Remnants of the bronchitis, the second doctor said after a cursory look.  He said she had probably pulled a muscle when she had coughed, and that the pain would go away when the bronchitis did.

“See?” Chloe said when they returned home.  “I told you it was nothing.”

Lucifer’s mouth tightened.  “I don’t see why I’m paying that man so much money if all he’s going to do is look at you for five minutes, then make a useless diagnosis.”

She chuckled.  “Because it’s nothing.  Let it go.”

Biting his lower lip, he walked over to the windows facing the balcony and looked out at the Los Angeles skyscrapers, barely visible in the smog and haze.  “We should tell Beatrice --”

“No.”  Chloe glared at him.  “I’m not worrying her over nothing. She has a ton of school work, and the AP exams will be coming up in a few months.  I’m not doing that to her.”

He turned back to her as his brows drew down.  “But --”

“No.”  Walking over, she wrapped her arms around him.  “Stop worrying.”

Looking down at her, his gaze softened and he kissed her deeply, with all the passion inside of him.  “I can’t help it.  You’re my world.”

She beamed up at him, her cheeks rosy and her breath quickening.  “And you’re mine.  Don’t worry, my love.  It will go away.”

 

 

________________________________________

  


 

After a few weeks, the bronchitis faded.  The pain did not.

“Right, that’s it,” the fallen angel said with a frown as Chloe rubbed her back after eating dinner, her face white with pain.  He threw his napkin down on the table.  “We’re going to the emergency room.  No one’s giving you the care you require and that is unacceptable.”

Chloe glared at him.  “There’s no need.  Look, we’ll just end up scaring Trixie and I don’t want that.”

Lucifer glared right back.  “We won’t tell her anything if it’s nothing -- she won’t even know if we get you back before Daniel brings her home this weekend.”

She stuck her tongue out at him.  “Stubborn.”

Grinning, he lifted his chin and gave her a smug look.  “It’s what I’m famous for.”

So they went to the emergency room, where the fresh-faced young doctor took a look at her and decided to run a series of tests.  They wheeled her bed to radiology, assuring Lucifer that she was in good hands.

Sitting in one of the many rooms in the Emergency ward, surrounded by strange machines that stared balefully at him with their displays as he waited for her to return, he felt a gnawing at the pit of his stomach.  The pain had been too consistent over the last two months to be nothing.  Perhaps it _was_ gallstones, like the first doctor had said.  Surely they could operate and remove them?  He pulled at the sudden tightness at the back of his neck.  It was nothing.  It had to be nothing.

It was not nothing.

“We’ve run tests on your wife, and it doesn’t look good,” the fresh-faced doctor told them once he had brought Chloe back into the room.  “It looks like she has pancreatic cancer, stage IV -- it’s already spread to her liver.”

The bottom dropped out of Lucifer’s world.  He gaped as his eyes shot to Chloe, who looked as stunned as he felt.  For a moment his mind went completely blank, and he gaped at the man in the white coat.  “I beg your pardon?”

“Pancreatic cancer.  It’s a very aggressive disease.”

Chloe’s hand reached out for Lucifer’s.  Like a lifeline he clutched at it as the world tilted sideways and the air got sucked out of his lungs.  This was a dream -- surely a dream!  He was dozing in his chair, still waiting for her to return from radiology....

“You’re wrong,” Lucifer said with a shake of his head.  “She’s fine.  She’s been fine.  There have been no symptoms --”

“Pancreatic cancer is like that.  It’s very hard to diagnose until it’s too late.”

He half-stood from his chair to plant his fist in the doctor’s face, but Chloe stopped him.  Her cold hand squeezed his and brought him back to himself, kept him grounded when all he wanted to do was kill the lying doctor.  Glancing over at Chloe on the bed, he could see the fear in her eyes, the dread.  Knowing that the very same emotions were mirrored in his, he took a deep breath and pushed his fear down as he lowered himself back into his chair.  He had to be strong for her.

“What can we do?” he asked as he gripped her hand tightly in both of his.

“Chemotherapy’s probably your best bet.  Or maybe surgery, but the cancer’s too widespread.  Anything we do will be palliative.”

“Which means?”

“It will only to be to relieve her suffering, not cure her.  I’m sorry.”

Lucifer felt the blood rush from his face as nausea hit him full on.  Saliva rushed to his mouth as his stomach twisted and turned.  Glancing at Chloe, he saw her face grow pale and her eyes widen as she stared at the doctor.

 _No._  No, no, no.  Surely Dad wouldn’t do this?  It was too cruel -- far too cruel.

“S-so... there’s no hope?”  Chloe’s voice wobbled.

When the doctor didn’t say anything, Lucifer interrupted, “There’s always hope, my dear.  Always.”  He stood up and walked over to the doctor, his gait rigid.  His hand snaked out and gripped the young man’s lab coat, yanking him so close that they almost touched noses.  “Don’t you _dare_ tell us there’s no hope.  We’re not going to stand for this.”  Spittle flew from Lucifer’s mouth as he spat out his words.  “I want the best doctors for her.  The _best.”_

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do.”

Lucifer narrowed his eyes as he shoved the young man back.  “You do that.”  Whirling on his heel, he straightened his suit jacket and strode back to his wife.  Taking a seat, he reached out and took a hold of her hand.  When he spoke, his voice was gentle.  “You’ll have the best care, my dear.  The very best care.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

They kept her overnight, then released her.  There wasn’t much they could do except wait for the nurse to call the next day to schedule an appointment for chemotherapy, so Lucifer brought her home and cradled her in his arms as he brought her into the penthouse.

“You can put me down.”

Lucifer frowned.  Her voice lacked its usual verve.  It sounded... colorless.  “Right.  Of course, love.”  Now knowing that she was ill, he could see little telltale signs he had missed before -- the slight yellowing of her skin, her lack of appetite, and the fact that she had lost a pound or two.  She was already slender and really couldn’t afford to lose more.  He gently set her down on the couch and covered her with her favorite throw.  Settling next to her, he tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear, but her eyes slid away from his as she looked off in the distance.

For a long moment he looked at her profile, studied her high cheekbones, the soft, golden hair streaked with gray, her porcelain skin etched with a few fine lines.  A gnawing clawed in his insides, chewing away at his composure, revealing the raw state of unrest underneath.  He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  He had to be strong for her -- she needed him now.  For so long she had been his guiding light, his shelter in the storm, his anchor -- now it was his turn to be there for her.

Taking her hand in his, he gave it a gentle squeeze.  “We’ll get the finest doctors.  We’ll beat this.  We can.”

Chloe’s eyes fell to her lap.  “Nothing’s going to help, Lucifer.  I’m dying.”

Cold seeped into his bones at her words.  “No.”  He wrapped his arms around her and leaned back against the couch’s backrest, taking her with him.  She was rigid for a moment before she finally relaxed and snuggled against him.  “I won’t let you go.”

Her voice was muffled against him.  “You’re going to have to.  I’m human, Lucifer.  Let’s face it.  We always knew that this was going to happen.”

“Not like this.  We have many years ahead of us.  So many....”  He tightened his grip as the cold within him became worse, hollowing out his insides, scraping away any peace of mind he might have had, and freezing his heart until it felt like a rock in his chest.  “I won’t let Dad take you.  He’s a bloody wanker and he can’t have you.”

A hot wetness trickled onto his shirt where her face lay.  “I don’t want to die.”

He kissed her hair.  “I won’t let it happen, dearheart.  I won’t.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The nurse called the next day.  They didn’t have any slots open for treatment for the next three weeks.  Even bribery and curses couldn’t convince the nurse to squeeze Chloe in sooner.  They were prioritizing, she said.  Too many cancer patients that were not terminal needed treatment sooner than she did, and each chemotherapy session took hours to complete.

Lucifer threw a chair across the room after he hung up.  He couldn’t help it.  His eyes glowed with the fires of Hell as Chloe ran out of the bedroom to see what the commotion was about.

“Lucifer, what the hell?”

He glanced back at her, his red eyes wild, his hair askew, his face twisted as he clenched his teeth.  The sight of her white face pulled him back to himself, and he took a deep breath.  Somehow, he managed to smile.  “Hello, my dear.  I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

Chloe walked over to where the chair had smashed into a wall, then glanced back at him with wide eyes.  Her face filled with sorrow, and she hurried to his side.  She must have seen something in his face, for she threw herself at him, burying her head in his chest.  “It’s going to be okay, my Devil.  It’s going to be fine.”

Lucifer’s insides cringed at her words.  She was comforting him when he should have been the one comforting her!  Biting his lower lip, he pulled her close and basked in the feel of her body against his.  “I’m sorry, Chloe.  I just... I...”  Hot tears burned in his eyes but he blinked them away.  Bloody hell, he couldn’t even bring himself to smile for her.  He just held onto her for dear life as the world as he knew it slipped away into an ever-growing abyss.

“I know you’re scared.  I am too.”

 _Scared._ The word resonated in his insides. _Scared._

The Devil wasn’t scared -- the Devil was never scared!  And yet... he was.  Terribly.

Chloe was his life.  He wasn’t complete unless he was with her.  The millennia he had lived before meeting her were mere shadows compared to these last few vibrant years with her, so full of color and life.  The time had been so short -- surely Dad wasn’t so cruel as to snatch her away so soon?  They were supposed to grow old together -- well, he would stay the same, but he’d love her even when she was a hundred and a day.  He had to build up his memories for when she went to the Silver City and left him behind.  How could he possibly do that if Dad was going to be an incredible tosser and snatch her away, right in the prime of her life?

Her voice wobbled as she spoke.  “We have to tell Trixie.”

His insides rebelled at that, twisting and turning until he was sure he was going to vomit.  How could he tell his step-daughter that her mother was dying?  The little spawn -- not so little, anymore -- would be crushed, and he couldn’t do that to her.  No.   _No._  He wouldn’t.  Suppressing the urge to stamp his foot in a rage, he repeated to himself, _I won’t, I won’t, I won’t....!_

“Right, ” he heard himself say.  “We’ll tell both her and Daniel tonight, when he drops her off.”

Chloe tipped her head up to look at him, her aqua eyes gentle.  Her hand reached out and stroked his stubble-lined cheek.  “Thank you, my dear Devil.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Trixie reacted as expected: she took one look at her mother and burst into tears, flinging herself into her arms.  Dan stood there and gaped like a fish out of water.

“Pancreatic...?”  He shook his head.  “You gotta be kidding me.  She’s fine --”

“No.”  Lucifer took a deep breath.  “She’s not.”

Watching Dan’s face crumble was the one of the worst things the fallen angel had ever seen.  Not even the wretched, damned souls in Hell had ever looked as destroyed as the man did at that moment.  His face went white and his eyes grew desolate and full of horror.

“No.  No, man.  You can’t be serious.  That’s a death sentence --”

Which made Trixie cry all the harder.

“Daniel....”  Lucifer didn’t know what to say to make this better.  He broke off, feeling completely helpless for the first time in his life.

Dan shook his head, his mouth tightening as he gnashed his teeth.  “Pancreatic cancer kills in two to four months!  You can’t possibly be telling me she only has --”

“Dan!”  Chloe snapped as she glared at him over Trixie’s head.  She tipped her head at their daughter then gave him another dirty look.  Dan gaped at her, then swallowed convulsively before he nodded.

“Uh... I mean....”

“I’m going to get the best care,” she said firmly.  “I don’t want either one of you to worry.  But Trixie’s AP exams are coming up in May and I can’t have her studies get disrupted --”

“As if I care about that!” wailed the young woman.

 _“I_ care,” Chloe said.  “I want you to get into a good university, and I don’t want you to blow your chances by suddenly failing all the exams you’ve been studying so hard for.”  She caught Dan’s eye.  “Dan, can you let Trixie stay with you until graduation?”

Trixie pulled back, her face white and strained.  “Mommy, no!  I want to stay with you --”

“And I want you to stay with me, baby, but I don’t want to put your future at risk.  This is important, monkey.”

 _“You’re_ important!  I love you!”

Chloe smoothed the hair away from her daughter’s face with loving hands.  “And I love you.  And because I love you, I want you to do as I ask, okay?  You can visit me every day, but you need to study.  I want you to do well on your exams.  That would be the best medicine you can give me.”

Trixie’s mouth pulled into a grimace as she stared at her mother.  “Mommy....”

The older woman kissed her daughter’s forehead.  “You have to be strong for me, baby.”

Tears flowed from Trixie’s eyes as she bobbed her head, then pulled Chloe into a fierce hug.  “Okay, Mommy.  For you.  I’ll pass all my tests for you.”

Dan reached out and smoothed the young girl’s hair with a trembling hand.  “Come on, monkey.  “Let’s go get your things.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

After Trixie and Dan left, Chloe fell silent, and nothing Lucifer did could cheer her up.  He snuggled next to her on the couch, but she didn’t react.  He made her a delicious dinner, including a red velvet cake for dessert, but she just pushed it all aside.  His stomach flip-flopped as he wrung his hands.  He didn’t know how to make this better.

“Do you think I did the right thing?” Chloe finally asked him as she lay down on the couch and pulled her favorite throw around her.

The fallen angel gently lifted her legs and sat down, setting her feet onto his lap and massaging them.  “You’re thinking of the little spawn’s welfare, putting her first before yourself. It’s what makes you such a good mother.”

She snorted out a half-laugh.  “Spawn.  You’re still calling her a spawn, after all this time.”

The sound of her chuckle lifted Lucifer’s spirits, and a corner of his mouth quirked up.  “Well, she is your offspring -- does that not make her your spawn?”

“She’s your spawn too, you know.  By marriage.”

He felt a funny warmth in his chest at her words.  “Yes, well, I suppose she is.”

For a long time Chloe was silent -- so long, in fact, that Lucifer thought that she had fallen asleep.  But when he cast a glance in her direction, he saw that her eyes were open and staring at the ceiling.

“I want you to take care of her,” she finally said.

He blinked.  “I beg your pardon?”

An intense gleam entered her eyes as she gazed at him.  “Promise me, Lucifer.  Promise you’ll take care of Trixie when I’m gone.  She’ll need you more than ever.”

The sudden urge to vomit took him by surprise.  His stomach twisted and churned as everything inside the fallen angel rebelled at the thought of not having Chloe by his side.  “But --”

“No buts.  Promise me, Lucifer.”

He stalled, uneasy about what she was asking him to do.  “For... for how long?”

“As long as she needs you.”  She held out her hand to him.  “Please -- for me?”

He never could deny her anything.  Leaning over, he took a hold of it as he swallowed hard, even as he hoped that what she was preparing for would never happen.  “I give you my word.”

 

 

________________________________________

  


 

Later that night, Lucifer crept into the bedroom, thankful to see Chloe finally asleep.  The moonlight shone through the window, the lighting washing out all the colors of the world and hiding the fact that her skin was slightly jaundiced.  In the gray tones of night, she looked beautiful.  A spasm gripped his heart, causing pain for a brief moment, before the organ started beating again.  He sat down on the bed beside her, careful not to wake her up.

He had no intention of losing her -- he couldn’t.  His world would crumble if she wasn’t in it.  Unfurling his wings, he glanced back at the feathery appendages.  Wincing as he plucked a feather, he placed it against Chloe’s skin at the neckline of her nightgown.  Surely it would glow brightly, fade into her body, and heal her?  But no -- it just sat there against her, like a regular bird feather.

His stomach churned as he frowned.  Maybe it was just that he needed more feathers... yes, he was sure that was it.  He plucked another one, but the result was still the same.  Nothing.  His movements grew faster and more frantic as he began plucking the feathers from his wings, one by one, piling them onto her.  His breathing hitched in his aching chest, and he bit his lip to keep from crying out.  The next one would work... he was sure of it.  Or perhaps the next one.  Or maybe he needed one of his flight feathers?  He yanked it out with shaking hands and placed it on Chloe.  Still nothing.  Well, maybe he needed more.  Surely Dad would make the next one work....

His insides wound tighter and tighter as he kept plucking his feathers, but a winter frost began coating his heart with ice.  Nothing was working.  Nothing....  He shook his head and kept on plucking.  No -- he wouldn’t fail in this.  It was just that he hadn’t found the right feather yet. That was the answer.  There had to be one that worked.  His hitching breaths turned into gasps and then heaves as he struggled not to start bawling like a baby.  It was imperative that he stay calm.  Just work slow and steady and find the right feather --

“What are you doing?”  Freezing in his task, he glanced up to see Chloe watching him, her eyes catching the moonlight.  She shifted on the bed and stared down at the pile of feathers on top of her.   “What the hell...?”

“I... I --”  He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, even though his insides felt shaky, out of control.  “Right.  I need to find the right feather.”

“The right...?”

“The right feather.”  Pulling his partially denuded wing forward, he reached out to pluck another feather.  “I just have to find the right one --”

:The touch of her hand against his arm froze his movements.  “Lucifer, stop.”

His eyes, round and wild, rolled back to hers.  “I can’t.”  His voice rose.  “I can’t.  I can’t stop.  I have to find the right one --”

She sat up, grimacing in pain as she did so, and stilled his trembling hands.  “No.  Lucifer, no.  Stop this.   _Stop.”_

Biting his lower lip, he shook his head like a little boy.  “I can’t.  Don’t you see?  If I do, it means I can’t... that you’ll --  Nay.   _I can’t.”_

“Shhhh,” she said gently, pulling him into her arms.  “Shhh, Lucifer don’t.  Look, for some reason, your dad wants this to happen.  We can’t stop it.”

 _“No.”_  Lucifer yanked out of her embrace, nearly falling off the edge of the bed in the process.  “No, don’t tell me that -- please don’t tell me that.  There has to be a way.  Dad’s just being a wanker.  I just need to find the right feather --”

With a strength that surprised the fallen angel, Chloe pulled him back into her arms and held on tight.  “Shhh.  Lucifer, shh...  It’s okay.  It’s okay, my love.”

“It’s not,” he mumbled against the crook of her neck as his arms wrapped around her.  “It’s not, Chloe.  It’s not, it’s not --”

“It is.  We have to accept it. This is fate.”

At her words, hot tears sprung to his eyes and he couldn’t stop them, no matter how hard he tried to force them back.  His lungs contracted and his throat closed.  Struggling to inhale, his breaths came out in halting, jerking sobs as the tears flowed faster, until he lost all control and sobbed, clutching Chloe as close as he possibly could without crushing her.

He didn’t know how long they stayed like that.  It could have been minutes or hours.  Lucifer didn’t know, didn’t care... but at last the storm passed.  Reaching out, he grabbed a tissue from the box on the nightstand and blew his nose.

“Sorry, love,” he said in a wobbly voice.  He tried to smile at her, but it quickly turned into a grimace as the tears filled his eyes once again.  Bloody hell, he couldn’t even look at her without wanting to howl in agony.  Biting the inside of his cheek, he struggled for control.  “Bad form.”

The tears running down her cheeks glimmered in the moonlight.  “It’s okay, Lucifer.  I think we both needed it.”

Nodding, he stood up, his movements jerky and uncoordinated.  He nearly stumbled over his own feet as he took a step back.  “Will... will you be all right, love?  I need... I need to go outside for a spell.”

Chloe nodded and gave him a weak smile.  “Of course.”

Lucifer watched as she lay back down and settled herself among the myriad of feathers -- he’d have to clean that mess up in the morning -- before he took himself to the living room, then right out onto the balcony.

“Dad!”  His roar was like a wounded animal’s as he yelled up at the velvety night sky.  “Dad, you arrogant bastard, you wanker, you bloody sod!  How can you do this to her?  Chloe’s never done anyone any harm.  She doesn’t deserve this!”

Of course there was no answer from the bloody coward.

“I don’t understand you!  You brought her into this world, you threw her into my path, and for what?  For it to end like _this?!”_  He grabbed the nearest potted plant -- a tree -- and threw it across the deck.  The earthenware shattered into a million pieces as it made impact with the wall of the penthouse.  “How dare you do this to her?!  She’s been nothing but good!”  His voice broke on the last word, and he sunk to his knees on the black tiles.  “Nothing but good....”

The second wave of tears he had been struggling to hold back burst forth, and he collapsed upon the balcony, sobbing loudly like a man in terrible pain.  “Is this what you wanted to see?” he wept.  A harsh laugh worked its way up his throat as he glared at the heavens above.  “Is it?  Well here it is: the Devil, brought to his knees, completely broken.  You have what you want so....”  He squeezed his eyes shut as his voice dropped down to a whisper.  “Please, Dad.  Please... I’m begging you.  Take me.  I know I’m not much of a prize, but... please.  Take me instead and heal her.  She doesn’t deserve this.  I’d do anything you want, just please... save her.”

There was no answer.  No sudden presence of his father, no voice in his head, not even a trip down to Hell.  Nothing.  Tears leaked out of his eyes, down the sides of his face and onto the cold tile as he lay on his back and stared up at the sky.  He couldn’t stop the sobs from ripping from his chest.

“You wanker,” he finally choked out.  “You bloody wanker.”

 

 


	2. Treatment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to the amazing titC for betaing this chapter. You rock!!!

 

 

For two weeks, everything was calm.

Calm -- but not good.  For how could it be, with Chloe so ill?  After the diagnosis, Lucifer watched with concern as she lost a little energy, day by day, as if the doctor’s assessment had destroyed her hope and sucked the very life out of her.  Whenever he looked at her, his heart pounded frantically in his chest at the inevitability of her demise.  Her movements slowed, her vitality dimmed, and her appetite grew less.

She quit the force right away.  “I don’t want my last days to be spent chasing down perps,” she said as she dialed the phone.  The conversation with the lieutenant was short and sweet.  When she hung up, her shoulders slumped and she let out a long sigh.

Lucifer eyed her as his eyebrows drew together.  “Are you all right, love?”

Chloe nodded.  “Yeah... yeah.”  She waved her hand as she pocketed her device.  “They’re going to give our caseload to Valdez and Moorcock.  Everyone’s replaceable these days.”

Pushing away from the bar, he strode across the room to sit down next to her on the couch.  Reaching over, he pulled her against him and kissed her hair.  “You’re not replaceable to me, dearheart.”

She let out a weak chuckle.  “We’re all replaceable, Lucifer.  Someday I’ll be gone, and you’ll find someone else --”

_ “Never.” _  His arms tightened.  “Never, Chloe.  That will never happen.”

Chloe tilted her head up at him.  “I don’t want you to be alone.  You’ll be lonely -- you need someone.”

_ “No. _  There is only you.”

“But....”  Pulling away, she waved her arms with agitation.  “You are immortal.  I don’t want you to live the rest of your life like a hermit.  You need love, Lucifer -- you need that in your life.  You’ve gone without it for so long --”

“And I can go without it again.”  He glared down at her.  “Don’t fight me on this, dearheart.  There will never be anyone else.  Ever.”

Her mouth twisted as her eyes dropped to her lap.  “We’ll talk about this later.”

_ We won’t talk about it at all _ was on the tip of his tongue, but he wisely stayed silent.  Dear Chloe, always thinking about his welfare first....  Letting out a heavy sigh, he shut his eyes as he hugged her to him again and tried to memorize her -- all of her.  The intoxicating heat of her body, the fragrance of her skin, the thumping of her heart when he laid his head against her chest....  All of it.

Drawing her close, he kissed her lips softly before nibbling on her earlobe.  The delicate smell of her shampoo tantalized his nose, tickling it.  Ahhh, he loved her scent -- flowers, a hint of coconut from the body soap she used, and her warmth.  Nuzzling her neck, he heard her giggle -- such a magical sound.  He laid a hand on her leg and ran it up and down her thigh, each time climbing higher and higher until he let it rest at the juncture of her hip.

“Chloe,” he breathed before he kissed her deeply, his hand drifting up to her waist.  Pulling her close, he lay down on the couch, taking her with him.  A sharp cry burst from her lips, cutting through the sexual haze overtaking him and causing his eyes to fly open with alarm.  Chloe’s face had lost all color and was pulled into a grimace.  A sharp pain stabbed Lucifer’s chest at her expression.  “Dearheart?”

Her lips pulled back as she tried to smile, but her teeth clenched as her breaths came out in tight little huffs.  Her voice was shaky when she finally spoke.  “I’m okay.”

“What... what happened?”  His hands shook as he ran them over her body, then gently tilted her face toward him.  His brows drew down as his insides grew cold.  “Did I hurt you?”

She tried to chuckle.  “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.”  He sat them both back up, causing her to cry out again.  “Bloody hell, I  _ am _ hurting you!”

“No, no, I’m okay --”

“Don’t lie to me!”  His legs felt like noodles as he scrambled off of the couch to stand before her.  “What did I do?  How did I hurt you?”

She winced as she rubbed her back.  “When we lay down, your hands touched my... my --”

Lucifer felt all the blood drain from his face as he realized that when he had held her, he pressed his hand against the area that gave her pain.  And he had been so self-absorbed in his own pleasure that he hadn’t even realized it...!  He wanted to kick himself -- nay, throw himself over the balcony.  He was a fool, and idiot, a bloody wanker....  He didn’t even know what to say to her to make it right.

His legs went out from under him, and he fell in a graceless heap onto the floor as horror washed over him.  “Chloe, I’m so sorry --”

She smiled at him.  “I told you, it’s okay.”  Reaching out, she tried to take his hands in hers, but he yanked them away and rose to his feet, only to fall backward into the nearest armchair.  Squeezing his eyes shut, he shook his head.

“I should be shot.  I never meant to cause you pain.”

Throwing her arms up, she sighed heavily.  “Lucifer, stop being a drama queen, and come over here and hold me.”

“B-but I’ll hurt you --”

“You’ll be careful.”  She gave him an encouraging smile and beckoned to him.  “Come on.”  When he didn’t move, she said, “I need you.”

Like magic, those words pulled him out of his armchair and brought him back to her side.  He found himself completely unable to resist her bidding when she needed help.  Chloe was his beloved wife -- he could deny her nothing.  He was putty in her hands, and she knew it.  Very carefully he perched on the couch on the opposite end from where she sat.

Apparently, that was too far away for her, for she sidled up next to him.  Opening her arms, Chloe beckoned to him.  “Hold me, husband.  Please.  I need to feel your arms around me.”

Closing his eyes and calling himself ten times a fool, he very carefully wrapped his arms around her, careful to avoid the area that gave her pain.  Resting his cheek again her hair, he whispered,  “I’m so sorry, love.  I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.  We’ll just be careful.”

That night in bed they cuddled, just holding each other.  Chloe wasn’t in the mood, and Lucifer was too rattled to want sex, anyway.  Her pain scared him half to death -- he swore he would never try to do more than just hold her from now on, unless she wanted more than that.  Long after his wife fell asleep in his arms, he stared up at the darkened ceiling of their room and worried about the future.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The next day, Chloe and Lucifer decided to tell Maze, Amenadiel, Linda and Ella about her illness.  The four members of their extended family reacted as expected -- with shock, compassion, sympathy, as well as anger.  For the most part, they took it as well as could be expected, considering the circumstances, offering to help whenever and wherever they could.  The fallen angel had never been more grateful for their support.

Penelope, on the other hand, was a whole different story.

Lucifer called her, for he didn’t want Chloe to have to deal with her flighty mother.  His wife had told him that the older woman was in Europe for a science fiction convention, so he calculated the time difference.  In the middle of the night while Chloe slept, he slipped out of bed and called Penelope.

Listening to the phone ring on the other end, the Devil feared that his mother-in-law would not pick up -- maybe she was in the middle of an autograph session? -- but at last she answered.

“Lucifer!  Always good to hear from you,” Penelope said cheerfully.

The fallen angel swallowed hard.  “Right, well, I’m afraid I bring bad tidings.”

“Is it Trixie?  Did she get a B on one of her exams?”  She chuckled.  “You know, you should tell her that she doesn’t have to get straight A’s all the time.”

“Nay... it’s more serious than that.”

The older woman paused.  “Oh?”

He took a deep breath.  “It’s Chloe.  She’s... ill.  It’s serious.”

“What, does she have the flu?  You didn’t have to call me about that.  That’s not something you should be too worried about.  My daughter is strong, and insanely healthy --”

He interrupted her ruthlessly.  “It’s cancer.  Pancreatic, Stage IV.  I didn’t want to tell you over the phone, but I thought you should know right away.”  A deathly silence stretched across the connection until Lucifer thought she had hung up.   “Hello?  Penelope, are you still there?”

“What... what did you say?”

“She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.  It’s already spread to her liver --”

“Lucifer, this is a horrible joke,” Penelope said in a low, dangerous tone.  “You’re really sick for telling me this, and I will  _ never _ forgive you.  How dare you interrupt my convention, my European vacation, with this kind of sadistic prank?   What the hell is wrong with you?!”

He bit his lower lip.  This was turning out to be harder than he had expected.  “This is no joke --”

“Shut up!  I don’t want to hear any more of your lies, you sick bastard.”

“I’m not lying --”

_ “Shut up.” _  Her voice was colder than the arctic wind.  “I have to go, they’re calling me.”

“Penelope, wait --”

But she had already hung up.

Well, that went well.  Lucifer snorted as he shook his head and pulled at the tightness at the back of his neck.  So much for letting Penelope know....  He’d have to deal with her in person when she returned from Europe.  With any luck, things would be better when she saw for herself how ill Chloe was.

 

 

________________________________________

  
  


 

For two weeks, everything was calm... until two days before their anniversary.

Originally, Lucifer had planned to drive Chloe to Lake Balboa to see the blossoming cherry trees, then visit their favorite restaurant for a fine meal, before taking her home for some naked bedroom calisthenics.  But now... now that seemed completely inappropriate, considering her health.  His heart fluttered in his chest -- he just didn’t know what to give her that would have any meaning.  Thinking hard, he finally decided that he would give up his pride for her.  It was the one thing he cherished -- well, besides her, of course -- but he could make it a present for her.  He would do anything to get her well.

That night, after Chloe finally fell into a restless sleep, Lucifer walked onto the balcony and stared up at the stars glinting in the darkness.  The night sky was darker than usual, for the moon had already set.

“Dad....”   He pursed his lips.  Although he hated dealing with his father, he had to do this.  For Chloe’s sake, he would do anything -- even apologize -- for she was all that mattered.  “Right.  Dad... I was angry before, and I’m....”

When the word stuck in his throat, he swallowed convulsively several times.  Where was a glass of Scotch when he needed one?  He certainly could use it to wash away the bitter taste in his mouth.

“I’m... sorry.”  There -- he said it.  “I know I haven’t been the perfect son, and we’ve had our differences, but....”  He rubbed his forehead and squeezed his eyes shut.  “I don’t understand.  Why are you hurting Chloe?  You sent Amenadiel to bless her mother, after all.  You can’t have brought her into this world just to take her away like this....”

Raising his pleading eyes back to the sky, he squinted into the night.  “Dad, I have something you want....  The thing you’ve wanted since the beginning of this ridiculous feud.  In exchange, all I ask is that you heal her -- save her life.”

There was no response from his father... no sign he was even listening.

Lucifer’s chest tightened as his head started to pound.  Taking a deep breath, he struggled to keep his blood pressure under control.  He had to stay calm -- yelling at his wanker of a father wouldn’t get that bloody arrogant bastard to save Chloe.  “Right.  I want to apologize.  It’s what you’ve been waiting for, all this time.”  He dropped to his knees on the tiles and spread out his arms in supplication.  “I’m throwing myself at your mercy, kissing the hem of your cloak and begging for your forgiveness.  I’m sorry for ever disobeying you.  I’m sorry for the Rebellion.  I’m even sorry for offering that bloody piece of fruit to Eve, even though if I hadn’t done that, the world wouldn’t be what it is today --”  He broke off.  Right -- pointing that out wasn’t going to endear him to dear old Dad.

“Look, I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done, and for all I will do in the future to upset you.  I’ll do whatever you desire.  I’ll leave Earth forever.  I’ll be a good little soldier, wear a bloody dress, and tend Hell like you wish.  Or would you rather I burn in the Lake of Fire?  I’ll do it, if you so desire.  I’ll do anything.  Just....”  Tears stung the back of his eyes, but he blinked them back fiercely.  “Please.  Will you please heal Chloe?  I’m begging you.  She’s suffering terribly, and she doesn’t deserve it.”

The Devil rose to his feet, keeping his arms outstretched as he addressed the heavens.  “Dad... please.  Just... just give me a sign, some indication that you’ll save her.  Please... anything?  Please?”

He didn’t know how long he stood there, waiting for his father to respond, but finally he sighed, shook his head and went back inside.  Unbuttoning his shirt as he walked into the master bedroom, he froze when he saw that the bed was empty.  His eyes scanned the darkness.  “Chloe?”

A loud thump from the bathroom caught his attention.  Whirling, he saw her emerge from that other room to stop at the doorway.  She leaned against the frame and gripped her midsection with one hand, grimacing.

His heart faltered, then pounded in his chest like a jackhammer.  He couldn’t catch his breath.  Lightheadedness swept over him and his insides quivered as he raced to her side.  “Chloe!”

“Lucifer....”  She raised her head, a soft whine escaping her.  “Help me... something’s wrong....”  Just as he reached her, she collapsed, and he scrambled to catch her before she hit the ground.  As he gathered her to him, he could feel her body trembling like a leaf.

The fallen angel’s face grew hot and his mouth set in a grim line as he yanked the phone from his trouser pocket and dialed 911.  Well, now he had his father’s response to his plea, didn’t he?

Bastard.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The tests at the hospital took all day and night.

Lucifer called Dan and Trixie and they came by to visit, spending long hours with Chloe while he waited outside to give them privacy.  They said it wasn’t necessary, but he just shook his head.  He knew his wife would want some alone time with them.  When the doctor finally came in the morning of the following day, Lucifer was alone with Chloe.  Standing by his wife’s beside, gripping her hand, he waited to hear what the man would say.

“The cancer in the pancreas has spread to her colon, eating away at it.  She has a large tumor that’s blocking her intestines.”

The blood drained from the fallen angel’s face, and he glanced down to see Chloe looking up at him, the aqua of her wide eyes strikingly vivid in her pale face.  He squeezed her hand reassuringly before frowning at the doctor.  “What are her options?”

“Honestly?”  The young man shook his head.  “We can operate on her -- remove the entire colon and her pancreas at the same time -- but her quality of life will be significantly reduced, and chances are very high that she will die on the operating table from such an extensive operation.  The other option would be to do nothing and get her into hospice care.”

_ “Nothing?!” _  Dropping his wife’s hand, Lucifer lunged at the doctor, clenching his fists around his white lab coat and yanking the young man close to his snarling face.  “How dare you tell us to do  _ nothing! _  Do  _ not _ tell me I should stand back and let my wife die!  By the fires of Hell, I will --”

“Lucifer, no.”  Chloe’s weak voice stopped him, and he turned to see her eyes bright with unshed tears.  “Let him go.”

“But he --”  He glanced back at the doctor, then back at her before he released the young man.  Lucifer strode back to Chloe, not even aware when the doctor scrambled out of the room.  “Dearheart --”

“Threatening the doctor won’t change anything.”  The corner of her trembling lips quirked up wryly.  “I can die, or I can die.  What an anniversary present.”  Her face crumbled as she held out her arms to him.  “I don’t want to die.”

Gathering her to him, he swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to push back the tears burning the back of his eyes.  “You won’t.  That young man is a bloody hack and knows absolutely nothing.  We’ll get a second opinion.”

“It won’t help --”

“We can try, darling.  We can try.”

Once he calmed Chloe down, he excused himself from the room and went downstairs to the hospital courtyard.  Pulling out his phone, he started making calls.  Most of the doctors he spoke with agreed with the young doctor’s recommendations, but Lucifer refused to give up.  He called every one of his favors, until one doctor finally referred him to a famous oncologist who was visiting from out of town.

“Ridiculous,” that doctor pronounced.  “Chemotherapy is the answer.  Many times chemo will shrink the tumor right away and give some relief.  Let me talk to your doctor.”

So Lucifer rushed his phone to the young doctor, and watched with relief as the famous oncologist pulled strings and got the ball rolling.  Before he knew it, Chloe had a chemotherapy appointment scheduled for the next day at a sister hospital in Orange County.  It was quite a drive -- at least an hour away -- and hard on Chloe in her weakened state, but the fallen angel didn’t care.  Some chance for life was better than no life at all.

He hurried back into the hospital room and grinned at his wife.  “Chloe, I have some good news.”  He quickly told her of the developments, ending with, “... and they will be taking you via ambulance to the sister hospital tomorrow morning.”  As Chloe stared at him with her eyes brimming with tears, the smile fell from his face and he furrowed his brows.  “Unless... you didn’t want this?  I thought you wanted... but I could cancel --”

“No!”  She clutched his hand as the tears overflowed down her cheeks to fall onto her hospital gown.  “No.”  Her mouth trembled as she tried to smile.  “Thank you.  This is the best anniversary gift you could have given me.”

“But you’re crying --”

A watery chuckle escaped her.  “You should know by now that I do that sometimes when I’m happy.”

He reached out with his free hand and snagged a nearby chair.  Without releasing his wife’s hand, he sank onto the hard plastic seat and leaned against the bed railing.  “Right.  I wanted to take you to Lake Balboa so you could see the cherry trees.  We were married there, under a canopy of pink flowers -- do you remember?”

Her eyes twinkled through her tears.  “I remember.  You were upset because the blossoms kept falling.”

Lucifer smiled at her.  “And you thought it looked like pink snow.”  The happy expression faded from his face as he took her hand in both of his and kissed it.  “I’m sorry, dearheart.  This isn’t the gift I wanted to give you.  I begged Dad to heal you, but he... he....”  He couldn’t stop the tears from welling in his eyes.  Dropping her hand, he bit his lower lip and turned his gaze to the floor.  A light touch on his chin brought his eyes back to hers.

“It’s okay, Lucifer.”  Reaching up, she caressed his stubbly cheek.  “This is more than enough.”

_ Was it? _  He hoped so -- he truly hoped so.  Squeezing his eyes shut, the fallen angel pressed Chloe’s hand harder into his cheek as his tears fell like rain.

 

 

________________________________________

  
  


 

The chemotherapy treatment went well, and an ambulance brought Chloe home.  Armed with painkillers and anti-nausea medication, Lucifer watched over her like a hawk.  The first day she didn’t need either one of them, but in the following days, she needed both, as well as a huge amount of other drugs to counteract one side effect or another.  Soon it became a juggling act to keep her body in some semblance of balance... but the tumor did shrink, and she got the relief she needed.

Through it all, the fallen angel stayed right by her side, tending to her day-to-day needs and keeping her company.  Every day he brushed her hair and watched with distress as a few more strands fell out, saw her face grow slimmer as she lost weight, and worried as her complexion grew more sallow.  He did his best to encourage Chloe to eat, but after the chemotherapy treatment, her appetite waned.  No matter what he cooked for her, she refused to eat.

“It all tastes metallic,” she complained.

“That’s a side effect to the chemo, darling.  Please -- just eat.  You need your strength.”

She shoved away the steaming plate of food in front of her and scrunched her nose.  “No.  It smells awful and tastes gross.”

Lucifer winced at her blunt statement.  Chloe had never thought his food was disgusting before.  Even though he knew it was the medications affecting her senses, her words still hurt.  “Right.  Of course.  I’ll clean this up, shall I?”

As he took away the food to the kitchen, the ding of the elevator caught his attention.  Setting the tray onto the dining table, he walked to the living room to see who had arrived.  He blinked in surprise at the person standing just in front of the elevator.

Penelope.

He hadn’t seen or heard from her since he had told her of Chloe’s illness three weeks ago.  She lifted her chin, looking regal and distant, as she approached him.  “I came to see Chloe.  She hasn’t been answering her phone, so I called her work, and they said she was here.”

“Right.  She hasn’t been in any condition to talk on the phone.”

“Why not?”  The older woman glared at him.  “Don’t tell me you’re sticking with that ‘Chloe has cancer’ story...?”

Lucifer straightened as his eyes narrowed.  “It’s the truth.”

She snorted.  “It’s ridiculous.”  Turning away, she called, “Chloe?  Pumpkin, where are you?”

“In here, Mom,” came Chloe’s weak call from the bedroom.

Lifting her chin, Penelope sailed past him right into the bedroom, while Lucifer stayed by the bar to give them privacy.  The older woman’s gasp sounded loud in the quiet stillness of the penthouse.  “Oh, baby --”

Lucifer went back into the kitchen, turning a deaf ear to the conversation he could hear taking place in the master bedroom.  Chloe needed private time with her mum -- he was sure they had a lot to talk about.

So, after he finished up the dishes ten minutes later and poured himself a drink at the bar, it came as a complete surprise when Penelope walked out of the master bedroom and headed toward the elevator.  The fallen angel blinked, then dashed up and caught her by the arm.  “You’re leaving?  Already?”

Her face white, she shook off his arm and pressed the call button.  Her eyes stayed glued to the floor.  “I... I have to go.”  She gave a strained, high-pitched laugh, and waved her hand dismissively.  “Auditions, you know.”

“Aud...?”  Lucifer cocked his head, puzzled.  “I beg your pardon?”

The doors open and Penelope slipped quickly inside.  The Devil could see her stabbing one of the buttons on the panel repeatedly.  “I’m sorry about the... misunderstanding before.  Goodbye!”

“Wait --”  He cried as the doors slid shut.  Frowning, he turned away and headed into the master bedroom.  There he found Chloe sitting on the edge of the bed, staring out the window.  Her face was drawn and her eyes sad.  “Dearheart?”

She didn’t turn at the sound of his voice.  “Mom didn’t want to stay.”  A bitter chuckle left her lips.  “Maybe she’s afraid I’m contagious or something.”

Rushing to her side, Lucifer eased her back down onto the bed and sat down next to her.  Reaching out, he swept the golden locks away from her face and smiled gently at her.  “I’m here for you.”

“I know, and I’m glad.  It’s just that....”  Her teary eyes flew to the ceiling as she blinked rapidly.  “I just wanted her to stay with me.  Sometimes... sometimes you just want your mom, you know?”

He didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know how to make her feel better, so he stayed silent, caressing her soft cheek and wishing he knew the words to say that would make things right.  She sniffed as she smiled at him.

“You won’t leave me, will you?”  Her voice was small, scared, almost child-like.  “No matter how bad it gets... you won’t leave, will you?”

Pain shot through his chest at her words, and a lump formed in his throat.  His poor wife deserved so much better....  If only he knew how to ease her suffering!  But he didn’t.  He felt completely helpless and out of his element... but at least he could reassure her.  His face grimaced as he struggled to push back the tears fighting their way into his eyes.  Somehow he managed a smile.

“No, my dear wife.  Never.  I give you my word.”

She smiled through her tears and held out her arms to him.  “Hold me?”

He didn’t need to be asked twice.  Despite being fully dressed, he climbed into bed and snuggled up next to her, careful not to jostle her and cause her pain.  He buried his nose in her hair and breathed in the floral fragrance of her shampoo.  His hands hovered over her waist, afraid to touch her there, before settling on her hip, instead.

“I love you, Chloe,” he whispered into her ear.  “Now.  Forever.  Always.”

A smile lit her face, even though she wept.  “I love you, Lucifer.”

 

 


	3. Setback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to titC for beta-ing this chapter for me. You are awesome!

 

 

The days went slowly by.

Chloe began complaining about a strange pain in her left upper arm, which concerned Lucifer greatly.  When he had asked the doctor about it on a follow-up visit, the young fellow merely said she probably had a frozen shoulder, which happened sometimes.  “Try to have her exercise it,” he had said.  “Otherwise she could lose the use of her arm.”

“I don’t want to exercise it,” Chloe snapped as Lucifer helped her change into a new nightgown a few days later.  “It hurts!”

The fallen angel nodded soothingly as he shook out the new sleeveless nightgown and started maneuvering it over her head.  He wasn’t about to take away her freedom of choice -- that had never been his jam -- but he didn’t want her to lose the use of her arm, either.  “Very well, dearheart.  But perhaps lift it from time to time?”

Tossing her nose in the air, she refused to look at him as he tried to put her arm through the gown’s armhole.  Yelping in pain, she bared her teeth at him.  “Goddamn it, Lucifer!”

He winced as his insides shriveled with shame.  “I’m so sorry, my dear.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.”  Her face was a mask of frustration.  “I’m just... I’m just cranky.  I have nausea and a stomach ache, but I can’t eat anything and everything tastes disgusting.”  She pointed to her arm.  “And now this!”

The fallen angel busied himself with folding her other nightgown before setting it down on the nightstand.  When Chloe was in one of these moods -- which seemed to happen more and more often these days -- nothing would satisfy her.  “I know.”

She sighed as Lucifer helped her lie down on the sheets.  “When’s my next chemo appointment?”

He adjusted the covers around her before picking up her other gown from the nightstand and twisting it in his hands.  “In a week.”

“A week.”  She shut her eyes.  “That’s an eternity away.”

Lucifer silently agreed.  He was concerned over how far apart the chemotherapy sessions were spaced.  He knew her body needed to recover from the massive dose they had given her the first time she had the procedure, but he wanted her to live, and the more time that passed between sessions, the weaker she became.  Although he made her tasty food and badgered her into eating, the amount she ate grew less from day to day.  He was relieved that she would get that second appointment soon.

Only it didn’t happen -- two days before her appointment, she started vomiting.  Violently.

At first the fallen angel thought she was having a bad reaction to his food, even though she had hardly eaten.  Then, as she kept vomiting, he realized that this was not normal.  His heart pounding in his chest, he grabbed the phone from his pocket.  His hands shook so hard that he could barely dial 911, let alone hold onto the slippery device.

Lucifer found himself back in the emergency room ward, waiting in one of the rooms as the doctors rushed Chloe off for various tests.  He crinkled his nose at the smell of antiseptic as his eyes studied all of the equipment around him.  Had it been any other time he would have started fiddling with all the knobs and buttons around the room, but right now he was too worried about Chloe to bother.  Time ticked by more slowly than in Hell.  If had hadn’t known better, he would have thought he _was_ in Hell, trapped in a cell -- for what could possibly be worse than Chloe suffering?

A young ER doctor walked up to him -- were they all young?  Weren’t there any gray-haired doctors in existence anymore?  Lucifer stood as she approached, feeling his stomach drop to his knees at her grim expression.

“Mister Morningstar, your wife has an intestinal obstruction.  We’ve inserted a nasogastric tube for suctioning the GI contents and to prevent aspiration.  It should relieve the pressure.”

The blood drained from his face as his insides went cold.  “Is it the tumor?  Has it started growing again?”

She shook her head.  “As far as we can tell, no, but it is blocking part of the intestine at that location.  Your wife is on morphine, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Morphine can cause constipation, and that may have exacerbated the problem.”

Chewing on the inside of his cheek, he tried to still the frantic pounding of his heart.  “But... she _will_ get better.”

She took a deep breath.  “To be honest, Mister Morningstar, this is all just one big gamble.  We’re doing everything we can, but it may not help at all.  She may die no matter what we do.”

The room spun around him and for a brief second he thought he was going to collapse right there in a puddle at the doctor’s feet, but then he locked his knees and took a deep breath.  It didn’t help his panic, but at least he didn’t make a fool of himself.

Seemingly unaware of his anxiety, the doctor glanced down at the chart in her hand once again.  “We’re moving her to room 4017.  You can meet her there.”

Grunting, Lucifer spun on his heel and strode away, trying to keep in check the urge to run.  The echo of his footsteps was a lonely sound as he made his way through the now-familiar maze of corridors.  Stopping at the elevators, he jabbed the call button and paced until the car arrived.  As he stepped inside, heat climbed up his neck and into his face, and a throbbing pounded in his ears.  Rage started to build, slowly but surely, as he watched the elevator climb toward the fourth floor.

He would never forgive his father for this.   _Never._

When he made his way to room 4017, Chloe was already there, looking miserable with tubes and machinery hooked up to her.  One tube was in her arm where she was attached to an IV, and another in her nose that the doctor had put in.  Her eyes were rimmed with red as she looked over at him, but her expression was furious.

Lifting her thin arm, she waved him over.  He hurried to her side and took her hand.  “How are you feeling, love?”

Her voice was filled with malice.  “I hate your father.”

If she had said that three months ago, he would have laughed and encouraged her to continue along that line of thinking.  But now, he didn’t even smile.  “That makes two of us.”

Her free hand fluttered near her throat.  “Everything hurts... the tube hurts so bad.”

Lucifer bowed his head.  “I know.”

Closing her eyes, she wailed, “Why is he doing this to me?!”

His stomach roiled as he thought about the question.  Why _was_ Dad torturing her so?  There could only be one explanation -- to punish him.  Chloe had done nothing wrong, had lived her life helping others.  She was the miracle child -- she wouldn’t have even existed if Dad hadn’t sent Amenadiel down to bless her parents -- so this couldn’t have anything to do with her.  It had to be him.

“Right.”  He took a deep breath.  “This must be the arrogant bastard’s way of punishing me.  This is my fault -- all my fault.  If I hadn’t been in your life, this would have never happened.  You would still be living a pain-free, healthy life, instead of... instead of...”  He waved his hand helplessly at her body.  “This.  You don’t deserve this, and I’m....”  His voice broke as tears stung the back of his eyes.  “I’m so sorry.”

Chloe’s eyes widened and she tightened her grip on his hand.  “Lucifer, no --”

“Yes.”  He clenched his teeth as he shut his eyes.  “This is my fault.  All my fault.  If I could go back in time and prevent us from ever meeting... if I could do that to spare you this pain, I would.  I’d do anything to save you --”

 _“No.”_  Her vehement objection interrupted him, silencing him.  As his eyes flew open and caught her gaze, she took his hand and pressed it to her cheek.  “Don’t ever say that.  You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I don’t regret a single minute.”

He worried his lower lip between his teeth.  “But... but you’re in such pain, and it’s my fault --”

“No -- it’s your father’s.  Never yours.”  Chloe smiled up at him.  “I love you, Lucifer.”

Pure, raw emotions flooded over Lucifer like a tidal wave, drowning him.  How was he going to live without her?  If dear old Dad didn’t heal her, how would he ever survive?  He couldn’t -- it was just that simple.  He would die -- even an immortal being could die of a broken heart.

The tears he was trying so hard to push back flooded his eyes and rolled down his cheeks.  His breaths came out in little hiccups as he tried not to sob.  “I love you too -- so much.”  His voice broke again.  “And I am so sorry....”

She shook her head and kissed his palm.  “Never be sorry.”

Unable to speak, he merely nodded as he stood there, his hand caressing her soft cheek, and let his tears fall unchecked down his face.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Since it was somewhat late, Lucifer called only Penelope, Trixie and Dan to notify them that Chloe was back in the hospital.  Surprisingly, Penelope arrived right away.  The fallen angel couldn’t keep his mouth from dropping open when the older woman swept into the room, smelling of expensive perfume and wearing clothes meant for a woman far younger than her.

“Mom!”  Chloe held out an arm to Penelope and smiled, even as tears filled her eyes.  “Oh, Mom, I’m so glad to see you!”

“How’s my pumpkin?” the older woman asked, before turning to the Devil.  “Lucifer, can you get me a cup of coffee from downstairs?  I want to be alone with my daughter for a bit.”

Seeing how happy Chloe looked with her mother, Lucifer’s insides grew warm and he smiled.  “Of course.  I’ll be back.”

“Make it a latte macchiato with soymilk!” Penelope hollered after him as he left the room.

The fallen angel took himself to the Starbucks on the first floor and took his time buying Penelope’s drink, ordering a caramel macchiato for himself.  He wanted to give Chloe some privacy with her mother, so he dawdled for as long as he could before he headed back upstairs.

When he arrived at the room, he was surprised to find Chloe alone and in tears.  Setting the drinks on a nearby tray table, he rushed to her side.  “Dearheart, what’s wrong?  Where’s your mother?”

“Gone.”  As she reached out her hand, Lucifer snatched it up and held it in both of his.  “She... she said she was going on vacation in San Diego with a bunch of her friends and didn’t want to disappoint them.”

Lucifer’s mouth fell open.  “What?!”

Her face crumpled as she dissolved into sobs.  “She must think her friends are more important than me.  Why won’t she stay with me?  I’m _dying!”_

The fallen angel felt a pounding in his head as his blood pressure shot up.  His eyes glowed a fierce red as he bared his teeth and glared at the doorway.  “Bloody hell, how dare she do this to you!  I’ll drag her back by her hair --”

“No.”  Chloe’s hand tightened on his. “No, it’s okay.”  Tears continued to fall as she sniffed.  She gave him a lopsided smile, but it looked more like a grimace.  “You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do.”

He stared at her.  “But -- but she can’t do this to you!”

“She already did.”  She gazed at the empty doorway. “For whatever reason, she doesn’t want to be with me.”

Fury burned within the fallen angel, as bright and hot as the fires of Hell.  “I won’t let her upset you like this.  I’ll not allow her near you again --”

“No, Lucifer.”  She pulled her hand from his grasp and stroked his arm. “It’s okay.  She’s my mom -- I’ll take whatever time she’s willing to give me.”  Her eyes grew sad.  “It’s just that... sometimes, all I want is a hug from her.”

Bending over her, Lucifer gave her a hug as best as he could as she wept.  Touching his forehead to hers, he whispered,  “I know I’m not your mum, but it’s the best I can do.”

She smiled through her tears.  “It’ll do, Lucifer.  It’ll do.”

 

 

________________________________________

  


 

The next morning, Lucifer took himself to the courtyard to call Ella, Linda, Maze and Amenadiel.  When he returned upstairs, the sound of Chloe’s screams caused his heart to falter before beating madly in his chest.  Bursting into the room, he took in the sight of a male nurse standing over Chloe with his hands raised as his wife writhed on the bed, clutching her upper left arm.

Lunging for the young man, the Devil grabbed him by his blue scrubs and lifted him off the floor with one hand.  His neck muscles corded as he snarled through clenched teeth, “What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything!” the young man cried as he gripped Lucifer’s wrist and tried to get him to let go.  “Honest!  I was just turning her, and --”

“She wouldn’t have screamed if you didn’t do anything!”

Another nurse came rushing in -- perhaps the head nurse -- and grabbed the fallen angel by the arm.  “Put him down!”

He turned to the older woman and frowned.  “He did something to my wife.  She screamed --”

“Then we’ll take a look at her.  Put him down!”

A dull roaring pounded in Lucifer’s ears as his eyes flicked back to the man in his grasp.  “No.  I’ll rip his heart out!  He hurt my wife --”

“Lucifer, stop.”  Chloe’s weak voice had him turning to look at her, his face losing its tension as worry replaced anger.

Dropping the nurse, he rushed to her side.  “Dearheart, what happened? You screamed --”

Her eyes were tightly shut, her face white with pain.  “My arm.  He grabbed my arm.”

“Right.”  He spun on his heel, pinning the head nurse with an intense glare.  “I want someone to check my wife’s arm.  Now -- or there will be Hell to pay, I promise you.”

Both nurses scurried out of the room, only to return with a doctor a short while later -- a young man with a somewhat frantic energy about him.  He examined Chloe, said, “hmmmm,” several times,  then ordered her to radiology.

An hour later she was wheeled back into the room with the same doctor in tow.  He looked at the file in his hands, then at the couple and announced, “Your wife has a broken arm.”

Lucifer’s mouth fell open as his eyes shot to Chloe, to see her as shocked as he was.  He turned back to the doctor.  “Broken...?”

“But... but I haven’t fallen or done anything to cause it to break!” the blonde woman cried.  “The other doctor said I had a frozen shoulder --”

“No, it’s definitely broken.”  The doctor pulled out an X-ray from the file and held it up in front of Lucifer.  “You can see the break here.”

Sure enough, the bones were offset.  “Bloody hell,” whispered the fallen angel.

The doctor went to Chloe’s side and leaned over her, his eyes serious.  “Mrs. Morningstar, we can operate on your arm, and it will give you substantial relief from the pain, but I want you to be aware of the risks.  In your current condition, surgery may not be the best option for you.”

She stared up at him, her eyes huge in her pale face, shot a glance at Lucifer, then nodded at the doctor.  “I want the surgery.”

“Very well.  I’ll get everything started.  I’ll have the surgeon stop by.”

Lucifer stopped the doctor before he left.  “Doctor, how could she have broken her arm?”

The young man glanced at Chloe, then back at Lucifer, his eyes pitying.  “Cancer.”  With that, he left.

The fallen angel rushed to his wife’s side.  Leaning over, he brushed the hair from her forehead with a gentle hand while struggling to keep a brave face.  His insides churned as if he was on a storm-tossed sea, and his heart felt like a rock in his chest.

“Broken,” she whispered before a bitter laugh escaped her.  “As if this --”  She waved at the tube in her nose.  “-- wasn’t enough.”

He pressed his eyes shut.  “I’m so sorry, my dear....”

“I really, really hate your father.”  She sighed, her face drawn and looking far older than her forty-three years.  “Everything is escalating, isn’t it?  What is this, a joke to him?  See how much pain I can take before I go insane?”

Worrying his lip between his teeth, Lucifer bowed his head.  “I... I am sorry.  I’ll try talking to him again --”

“Don’t bother.  He’s made his intentions quite clear.”  Looking away, she let out a frustrated sigh.  “It is what it is.  Maybe he’ll be merciful and let me die on the operating table.”

Lucifer’s insides clenched at her words, and his heart stuttered in his chest.  “Dearheart --”

She must have seen something in his expression, for her face softened as she gazed at him, and she reached up with her good hand to touch his cheek.  “I’m sorry, Lucifer.  I’m just... angry.”

He nodded as he leaned into her fingers as she grazed his stubble, then stroked his jawline.

“Look, if I should die on the table.... “

The fallen angel’s eyes flew open at that, the blood rushing out of his face.  “Chloe --”

Her fingers rested on his lips.  “No, hear me out.  If I die on that table, I want you to find someone else to love, to live your life with.”

His heart fluttering in his chest like a trapped bird, Lucifer shook his head fiercely.  “I won’t.  You can’t make me.”

She heaved a sigh as she glared at him.  “Don’t you understand?  I don’t want you to be alone.  You need love --”

“And I have it!”  Pulling away from her reach, he stalked to the foot of the bed.  Her touch always clouded his mind, and he couldn’t afford that -- not now, when he was fighting for his future.  “Right.  You know I do not lie, love, so hear me out: I will never love anyone else.  You are the only one for me -- now, forever, always.  Dad could make a million -- nay, a billion -- miracles and throw them in my path, but I will never look at a single one.  You are my heart, Chloe.  Do not ask this of me.”

Her eyes widened.  “Lucifer....”

“Please,” he choked out.  “Please, Chloe.”

For a long minute she stared at him as her cheeks turned pink.  Then, with eyes bright with unshed tears, she gave him a crooked smile and held out her hand.  He dashed over and grabbed it like a drowning man gripped a lifeline.

“Stubborn man.”  Her voice was tender as she gazed at him.

From somewhere inside of him, he found a little smile.  “I’m the Devil, love.  It’s what I’m known for.”  He took a deep breath to still his quivering insides.  “Right.  Now no more talk of dying.  Let’s see what the surgeon has to say, shall we?”

An hour later, the surgeon came.  Lucifer rose from his seat beside Chloe as a gray-haired woman entered the room wearing a white lab coat over scrubs.  She bustled about cheerfully, looking over her patient and asking simple questions before saying to her, “You know why your arm is broken?”

“It’s the cancer, munching on my bones.  Munch, munch, munch.”

The older woman smiled.  “That’s right.  I’m going to realign the bones and put in a steel pin.  It will take time to heal, but it won’t give you as much pain.”  She looked up at Lucifer.  “We’ve got an OR opening for this afternoon, so we’ll take her in a few minutes to get her prepped.  You can either wait here, or downstairs in the cafeteria -- it will be several hours.”  And with that, she left.

Chloe’s eyes went to her husband’s.  “I wish you could come with me.”  Her voice was small, anxious.

The fallen angel took her good hand in his and kissed the back of it.  With a tender smile, he said, “I’ll be waiting right here.  I’ll be the first one you see when you return, I promise.”

 

 

________________________________________

  


 

The operation was a success, which was a huge relief for the fallen angel.

“Your wife is very strong,” the surgeon said when she came to check on a sleeping Chloe later.  “She could have easily died on the table, with everything going on in her body.  The arm will be tender so be gentle with it, for it will take six to eight weeks for everything to heal completely.”

She didn’t say what they were both thinking -- if she survived that long.

The whole extended family came to visit Chloe over the next few days -- Trixie, Dan, Ella, Linda, Maze, and Amenadiel.  Lucifer was grateful for their presence, for they helped his wife get her mind off of her situation.  She still had the obstruction, and day by day she grew more and more frustrated, until finally she yelled, “I want this thing out of me!”

Waiting outside while Dan and Trixie visited Chloe, Lucifer heard her yell and rushed into the room.  Trixie’s eyes were wide in her ashen face and her chin trembled, while Dan had his hands up in a defensive posture as he gave the fallen angel a helpless look.

Quickly striding up to his wife’s side, Lucifer took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze.  “What is it, dearheart?  You’re distressing everyone --”

Her aqua eyes rolled like a frightened horse’s, big and desperate.  She waved at the nasogastric tube in her nose.  “I am sick of this thing -- it hurts and I want it _out!”_

“Right.  Daniel, run and get the doctor, will you?”  Not looking to see if the man did his bidding or not, Lucifer tightened his grip on his wife’s hand and gave her a reassuring smile.  “We’re getting the doctor now, my dear.”

Trixie took a few steps toward the bed.  “Mommy...?”

Her daughter’s voice seemed to calm Chloe for the tension left her body and her voice grew soft.  “Hey, monkey.  Sorry.  I’m just...  I want to go home.”

At that moment, the doctor walked in, along with a nurse and Dan on his heels.  He looked Chloe over and asked how she was feeling, to which she replied, “I want this thing out of me.”

“Mrs. Morningstar, you do realize that if we remove the NG tube while you still have the obstruction, you could die --”

“I don’t care.  I want to go home.  Take it out.”

The doctor glanced at Lucifer, then nodded at Chloe.  “Very well.”  He turned to the others in the room.  “You may want to wait outside for this -- it won’t be pleasant.”

Dan grabbed the fallen angel’s arm in a tight grip as they walked outside into the hall.  “You’re not going to let them take that tube out, are you?”

Straightening, Lucifer pulled away and glared at the other man.  “It is what she desires.”

“She’ll die without it!”

Closing his eyes, the Devil shuddered as a chill settled into his bones.  “There’s no need to remind me -- I am well aware of the consequences of her actions.”

The other man scowled at him for a moment before his shoulders finally slumped.  Clasping Lucifer on the shoulder, he said, “I’m sorry, man.  I just... I can’t....  I ‘m just sorry.”

Tightening his mouth, the fallen angel merely nodded.  “So am I, Daniel.  So am I.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer brought Chloe home to the penthouse the next day, fully expecting the worst.  The doctors had all said that if her intestines continued to be blocked, she would die a terrible, pain-filled death.  Just the thought of it sent shivers down his spine, so he tried to keep his mind on other things, concentrating instead on making her last days comfortable.

But she didn’t die.  Oddly, a miracle occurred -- her blockage cleared.

When she stumbled out of the bathroom, hanging onto the door frame and calling his name, Lucifer rushed to keep her on her feet.  After she told him what had happened, they held each other, laughing hysterically until they sobbed with relief in each other’s arms.  Chloe’s pain in her back seemed to disappear overnight, and her appetite returned.  Filled with joy, Lucifer cooked all of her favorite foods and fed them to her, reveling in her sudden health.  Her color grew better, and her energy returned.

Had Dad actually changed his mind?  The fallen angel wasn’t sure, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.  All the heavy burdens that had weighed down his heart started to lift.  For the first time since the nightmare ordeal began, Lucifer felt hope that Chloe could beat her illness.  Perhaps there was a chance that she would recover...?

He sincerely hoped so.

 

 


	4. Decline

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my wonderful beta, titC! You rock!!

 

 

Of course, sustained good health had been too much to wish for.  God was nothing if not cruel, dangling hope in front of them before snatching it back again like a spoiled child.  The good days didn’t last, despite Lucifer’s desperate hope that they would.  A few weeks after Chloe’s stay in the hospital ended, she started to backslide.  All of the progress that she had made dissipated like fog burning off in the summer sun.  Her appetite slowly waned, and the pain came back with a vengeance.

Lucifer often sat in the chair next to Chloe’s bedside and watched her sleep.  Even before the ache in her side grew so excruciating that the slightest jostle placed her in agony, he bought the finest hospital bed available.  He had it assembled in the master bedroom so that she could sleep in comfort, while their king-sized bed was moved into a spare bedroom.  Lucifer slept on the couch -- when he did sleep.  Most of the time he stayed awake in an uncomfortable chair by her side, feeling every second of his time with her tick away.

Eventually she became bedridden, and her world shrunk until the master bedroom was all she saw.  Lucifer took care of her needs until one day she reached out and said, “I don’t want you doing this.”

He blinked and paused in sponging down her arms.  “I’m sorry?”

Her aqua eyes were fierce.  “This is wrong. You shouldn’t be taking care of me like I’m a baby, giving me baths, carrying me to the toilet....  Get me a nurse.  I don’t want you to remember me like this.”

So he got her a live-in nurse, who basically stayed in the background and only appeared when Chloe needed to go to the bathroom or needed washing.  She was very unobtrusive, giving Lucifer and his wife as much privacy as possible.  And for that, she had the Devil’s gratitude.

The sicker Chloe became, the more her emotions swung from one extreme to another.  Some days she was angry, and nothing would be right -- her bed was too lumpy, the smell of cooking food was nauseating and why didn’t Lucifer let her have more morphine?  On those days, she often screamed like a harridan at how she hated him, and Lucifer was grateful that Trixie was staying with Dan -- she didn’t need to see her mother in such a state.  On other days, Chloe grabbed the fallen angel’s hand and wept, asking him over and over why Dad was doing this to her.  And on the worst days, she begged for him to kill her.

Lucifer took it all in, suffering in silence, never letting her see how her fragile emotional state was taking a toll on him.  He adjusted her bed to her liking, bought her new pillows, and cooked all their meals on the balcony with a portable camping stove.  He massaged the pain in her side, bought her heating pads to ease the ache, combed her thinning hair, helped her brush her teeth, told her how beautiful she looked.  And every night after she fell asleep, he went into the living room and wept silently, careful not to make a sound lest he wake her up.  Of her request to kill her, he did nothing -- he couldn’t.  Even though she was in terrible agony, he just couldn’t bring himself to end the one beautiful thing in his life, so he bowed his head and let her heap curses upon him until she fell asleep.

One night when she screamed, “You enjoy seeing me suffer!” he nearly doubled over from the stabbing pain in his heart, and couldn’t stop the tears from welling in his eyes.  As he rose out of his chair to leave her alone, his shoulders sagging and defeat pressing him into the ground, her face collapsed.  Her breaths came out jerkily as she sobbed.  Holding out her bony arms to him, she cried, “I’m sorry!  I’m sorry, Lucifer, I don’t know why I said that....”

He swiftly bent over her and hugged her, his tears mixing with hers as he pressed his stubbly cheek to her gaunt one.  “It’s all right, dearheart.”

“No, it’s not.”  She reached up and caressed his jaw, her aqua eyes the only color in her pale face.  “I love you, Lucifer.  I don’t know why I’m hurting you.  It’s just that I’m so angry....”

“I know.”  He tipped his head and rested his forehead to hers.  “I know, love.  I know.”  He sat himself back down and held her hand.  Once she fell asleep, he let the tears roll down his cheeks once more, and cursed his father to Hell and back.

Since Chloe no longer had the strength to watch movies, he read to her instead: several books on Merlin, The Secret of Crickley Hall by James Herbert, Pollyanna by Eleanor Porter, and The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens.  Sometimes she fell asleep while he read, and other times she stayed awake, enthralled by the picture his words painted.  One day she paid him the greatest honor by asking him to tell her the story of The Lightbringer Prince, his own tale that he used to tell Trixie when she was young.

He gazed down at her, reaching over to sweep a thin lock of blonde hair from her brow.  “Are you sure, love?  It’s not... well, it’s just that it’s not...”  He waved in the air awkwardly.  “You know the story.  It can’t be interesting for you.”

She smiled up at him, her face filled with so much love that he wanted to collapse onto his knees and bawl like a baby right there in front of her.  “I’m sure, Lucifer.”

“Very well.”  He cleared his throat as he fumbled with his cufflinks.  Retelling his past to her in the form of a fairy tale shouldn’t have been hard, and yet it brought heat to his cheeks.  “Once upon a time --”  Breaking off, he glanced at her to see if she was laughing at him.  She wasn’t.  Lying still in bed, her eyes were bright with interest and a tender expression graced her face.  It gave him courage.

“Right.  Once upon a time, there was a king with many children.  He asked his children to help him build his kingdom.  His children loved him very much, so they worked hard for him.  They never questioned their orders, for they didn't know how.  They were good children and they each had a job.  One son brought light to every corner of the kingdom, brightening the night sky.  They called him the Lightbringer Prince....”

When he had finished his tale, ending in the marriage between the Lightbringer Prince and his Princess, Chloe exhaled and shut her eyes.  Lucifer’s heart stopped for a moment as he saw tears seep from her eyelids to run down her cheeks.

“Dearheart --”

Her voice was very soft.  “Did they live happily ever after?”

The fallen angel didn’t know how to respond.  He paused for a moment, trying to frame an answer that was not a lie.  He finally said, “For many years, yes -- they were happy.”

Her eyes opened at that, her lashes wet with tears as her aqua eyes glimmered like stars.  Reaching out, she grasped his hand and gave it a weak squeeze.  “Thank you, Lucifer.”  Although she smiled, her face was filled with melancholy.  “Thank you for being in my life.  Just... thank you.”

He squeezed back as he struggled to push away the burning at the back of his eyes.  Cradling her bony hand in both of his, he lifted it to his mouth and kissed the back of it.  “No, Chloe.  Thank you for....”  He struggled to control his trembling voice.  “For loving an old Devil.  For showing me what love was.  Thank  _ you.” _

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Every day, Chloe’s pain grew worse, and Lucifer suffered right along with her.

Trixie and Dan came every day, and at those times, the fallen angel respectfully took himself out of the room.  Penelope rarely visited, which alternately infuriated and relieved the Devil -- infuriated because Chloe was obviously hurt by her mother’s avoidance of her, and relieved because he hated how Penelope treated Chloe when she was there.  The woman spent only the shortest amount of time with her daughter before saying she was going on another vacation or had an audition she had to attend -- as if those things were more important than her daughter’s health!  Whenever Penelope left the penthouse, Lucifer was left picking up the pieces of his wife’s shattered heart.

Thankfully Linda, Maze, Ella and Amenadiel visited from time to time, which always brought a smile to Chloe’s face.  For that, Lucifer was grateful.

They came to visit one day, unfortunately at a time when Chloe was in terrible pain.  After Linda, Amenadiel and Maze walked into the living room, letting Ella, Dan and Trixie sit with her, the demon whirled and punched Amenadiel in the face.  “Why aren’t you doing something?!  Why is your father putting her through this?!  He’s a motherf--”

“Maze!” Linda admonished.  “Trixie’s in the other room.”

“Still, he should be --”

Lucifer’s quiet voice cut through their argument.  “You know feathers don’t work on her.”

“I’m sorry, Maze,” Amenadiel added.  “Luci and I have both tried.  There’s nothing we can do.”

The demon pulled away from Linda and grabbed the angel by his shirt.  “Yeah, well, why don’t you fly up there and drag your dad’s sorry ass back down here?”

“I can’t.  Look, I’m sure Father has his reasons --”

Maze bared her teeth at Amenadiel.  “I don’t give a  _ rip _ about his reasons.   _ Get his butt down here.” _

The angel looked sadly at her.  “I would if I could, you know that.”

Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Right.  Would you all stop arguing?  None of this will help my wife.  It will just upset her.”

Linda walked over to the fallen angel and touched his arm.  “When is Chloe’s chemotherapy appointment?”

He took a deep breath.  “Right.  Next Monday, but she hasn’t been eating.  The doctors are afraid it’s too late, that it’s been too long since her first one.  It may do more harm than good, but she wants to go through with it.”  He glanced in the direction of the master bedroom, where Dan, Ella and Trixie were.  “She wants to see Trixie graduate.  She’s determined to live that long.”

Linda looked dismayed.  “That’s... that’s a month away, and she looks... really bad.  Do you think she’ll make it?”

“I don’t know.”  He shut his eyes as his stomach twisted into knots.  “I hope so.  I really hope so.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

That night, Chloe’s weak voice beckoned the fallen angel into the master bedroom.  “Lucifer?”

He came running as the nurse finished her duties and left the room.  “Yes, dearheart?”

She lifted a bony arm and reached for him.  Rushing to her side, he grasped her thin, frail hand.  He could remember it full of life and vigor when she caressed his cheek, or tucked into the crook of his elbow as they walked.  Her face was now skeletal, her beautiful blonde hair thinning....  Even in her illness he still found her beautiful, but he absolutely loathed the sickness that ate away at her.  Swallowing hard, he gave her a smile as he sat down in the chair beside her.  “How’s my detective?”

Gazing at him with tearful eyes, she squeezed his hand, but said nothing.  She just lay there with a tender smile on her face.

Answering tears welled in his eyes and his expression softened as he gazed back.  “You’re my world.”

“And you’re mine,” she finally said.  Glancing down at her body, she touched her distended stomach with her free hand.  “I’m so thin, except for here.  The cancer keeps growing, giving me a pot belly.”

Lucifer didn’t know what to say to that.  “You’re still lovely.”

Her face lost that happy glow, to be replaced by sadness.  “I’m ugly.”

“Nay --”

Tears glistened in her eyes, but did not fall.  “I am, Lucifer.  You can’t deny the truth.”

His voice grew forceful.  “In my eyes, you’re as beautiful as the day I met you.”

She snorted, rolled her eyes and said with a glimmer of her old self, “You’re blind.”

“I don’t lie.”

“Which is why I’m saying you’re blind.”  She pulled her hand from his to reach up and caress his cheek.  “Lucifer, when I die, I want you to cremate me.”

Everything within him recoiled at the thought of her dying.  The way she said it, so practical, sent his head spinning.  “Don’t talk like that --”

She rubbed her stomach again.  “This isn’t me.  I don’t want anyone to see me like this.  No viewing.  Just burn me, Lucifer.  Burn me when I die.  Don’t let anyone see me like this... please.”

The thought of her beautiful body going up in flames twisted his insides, sending saliva rushing to his mouth as nausea overwhelmed him.  Flames were for sinners, not for his beautiful Chloe.  She deserved far better than this....

“Don’t talk of dying, dearheart.  Be strong.  You have to be strong for Beatrice.  For me.  Please --”

Chloe’s eyes grew sad.  “My poor Devil.  This has been so hard on you.”  Her fingers brushed against his stubble gently, sending tingles down the side of his face.  “I will always love you, no matter what.  No matter where I end up, no matter what your dad decides to do with me, my heart will be right here.”  She tapped his chest.  “In here... with you.  Always.”

Tears burst from Lucifer’s eyes.  He couldn’t hold them back.  They flowed in a torrent, falling like raindrops onto the blankets.  “Chloe --”

“Now promise me that you’ll burn me, my dear Devil.  It’s the right thing to do.”

His chest jerked as he tried to control the sobs clawing their way up his throat and out his mouth.  He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t, he couldn’t -- how would he live without her?  He heard a keening in the room, like that of a dying animal, and belatedly realized that it was coming from him.

She leaned over, grimacing as she did so, and planted a soft kiss on his cheek before falling back against the mattress.  “Don’t cry, Lucifer.  I don’t want you to cry for me.  It hurts me to see you like this.”

His voice came out in gasps.  “How can I not?”  He clenched his teeth as his face spasmed with grief.  “How... how can I not?”

“You can.  You have to take care of Trixie... and, when the time comes, me.  Now be strong.”  She caressed his cheek again as tears ran down her face.  “Burn me, my love.”

He bit his lower lip until it bled.

“And Lucifer, don’t keep me alive on machines.  Promise me that when it’s time for me to go, you’ll let me die at home.  I don’t want to die in the hospital, where it’s cold and sterile.  Let me be with friends and family.  Let me die surrounded by memories of us.”

Even though his insides continued to scream, he swallowed it all back.  Squeezing his eyes shut, he forced himself to nod.  His voice trembled when he finally got it under control enough to speak.  “I... I give you my word.”

 

 

________________________________________

  
  


 

The next Monday when Chloe came home from chemotherapy, she slept and slept.  Lucifer fretted, for it hadn’t been this way the first time she had treatment. Sitting by her bedside, he held her thin hand and and turned it over to look at her wrist.  He could see the veins etching their way over her skin like a spider web, and the frail bones just under the surface.  There had been a time when her arms had been youthful and strong with muscle.  Now skin and bones were all that remained.  A stabbing pain jabbed his heart as he slowly lowered her arm onto the bed.  Three months ago, he would have never recognized this woman on the bed as his wife.

He hardly left her side for the next two days.  Watching her like a hawk, he beat back the ever-present pain in his chest and the telltale tightening of his throat that always happened before he cried.  The few times Chloe did wake up, she giggled and her words didn’t make sense, which sent fear clawing at his insides.  The nurse assured him it was a reaction to the chemotherapy drugs, but a shadow fell over him, coloring his thoughts with apprehension.

On Thursday she seemed better, but she refused to take any painkillers.  That wasn’t right -- surely she must have been in pain?  But she shook her head as she smiled at him.  She also refused to eat.

“Come on, love, I made your favorite,” he coaxed that evening as he held up a cup of butternut squash soup.  “Can’t you take a bite for me?  Just one bite?”

But she didn’t -- she just gave him that plasticky smile that sent chills down his spine.

Seeing nothing of the wife he knew in her glassy, childlike gaze, Lucifer’s heart slowly froze until it was a block of ice in his chest.  His hands trembled so badly that he had to put the soup spoon down.  Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a deep breath.  He was mistaken -- surely that was it?  It was the chemo drugs affecting her brain.  Nodding to himself, he managed to return her smile with a shaky one of his own.

But the fear remained.

On Friday, Trixie and Dan came to visit Chloe.  Lucifer waited on the couch in the living room, head thrown back against the backrest as he stared up at the ceiling.  His insides were completely numb.  He felt a noose tightening around his neck, squeezing tighter and tighter until he could barely breathe.  He was losing her... he could feel it with every tick of the second hand on his watch, but he didn’t know how to stop it.

“Lucifer.”  Dan’s voice broke the fallen angel out of his reverie.

Sitting up, he looked at the other man.  “What is it?”

Dan pointed to the master bedroom.  “It’s Chloe. Something’s really wrong.  She’s in terrible pain.”

_ “What?!” _  Lucifer’s mouth fell open as he rose to his feet.  His heart stuttered before pounding in his chest like a jackhammer.  “Why didn’t she tell me?”  He strode to the room with Dan close behind.

“I think it’s the chemo -- she’s not thinking straight.  She thought that the morphine caused her intestinal blockage last time.  She was afraid of it happening again.”

“Bloody hell....”  He rushed to his wife’s side as Trixie stood up from the chair beside her, her eyes filled with fear.

“Is she going to die?” the young woman asked shakily.

“Not if I can help it.”  Lucifer stroked his wife’s cheek.  “Chloe?  Can you hear me, love?”

Her wide, pain-laden eyes rolled around as she glanced everywhere but at him.

“Darling, look at me.”  Cupping her face, he stilled her restless movements.  “Come on, dearheart.  Focus on me.”

Chloe finally looked at him, her aqua eyes finally resting on his warm brown ones.  “L-Lucifer?”

He blew out a sigh of relief and found a small smile from somewhere within him.  “Yes love.  Tell me -- how do you feel?”

“I’m scared.”  Her voice was thin and shaky, and her eyes brimmed with tears as she chewed her lower lip.  Reaching up to grip his hands with her own, she pressed them harder into her cheeks.  “It hurts so bad, but I don’t want to die.  I can’t die now.  How can I die when I have Trixie’s graduation to go to?”

Her fear fed into his, but he struggled to keep his anxiety under control.  He had to -- he couldn’t fall apart when his wife needed him.  Bending over, the fallen angel kissed her forehead.  “Calm down, love.  I’ll call 911. We’ll get you to hospital and they’ll put things to rights.”  Reaching into his trouser pocket, he pulled out his phone.  “See?  I’m dialing right now.”

The paramedics came in a matter of minutes -- tall young men with kind faces.  The oldest of the group -- a fellow who didn’t look a day over thirty -- pulled Lucifer to one side and started asking for information about Chloe.  When the fallen angel told him that she suffered from Stage IV pancreatic cancer, the man stopped writing in his notebook and looked at him.

“You... you realize that even if we take her to the hospital, she’s not going to get better.”

Lucifer pressed his eyes shut as he struggled to ward off the chill in his body.  “I know.”

“You sure you wouldn’t want to... you know, keep her here?”

His eyes flew open at that, and his voice dropped down to a dangerous snarl.  “She wants to live.”

The paramedic raised his hands.  “Okay, okay.  Just checking.”

Lucifer rode with Chloe in the ambulance, where they rushed her into Emergency and kicked him into the waiting room.  There he sat with Dan and Trixie.  It seemed like forever before the doctors told him she was stabilized and would be moved to a private room.

The fallen angel lost all sense of time as the three of them sat in silence with Chloe while she slept.  Dan finally said he had to take Trixie home, but Lucifer couldn’t even speak.  He merely nodded as he continued to stare at his wife with tubes sticking out of her everywhere, hooked up to an IV and a horde of beeping machines.  Dan clasped his shoulder and Trixie gave him a hug, but he didn’t react.  He couldn’t -- his insides were frozen, his heart a giant lump of ice in his chest, and everything was cold... so cold.  He didn’t even know when they left.

Pulling up a chair by his wife’s bedside, he leaned against the hospital bed railing and swept the thin blonde locks from her face.  When she slowly opened her eyes, he felt a glimmer of warmth finally start to thaw his heart.

“Hello.”  He gave her a warm smile -- or tried to, although he feared it looked a more like a grimace full of all the apprehension he felt.  She tried to smile back, but couldn’t.  Blinking slowly at him, she struggled to lift her hand.  He caught it before it fell back against the bed and kissed it.  “You should rest.”

She shook her head and tried to speak.  Her voice was soft, slurred.  He couldn’t understand what she was saying, so he leaned close to her ear.

“L-love... you.”

Tears flooded his eyes.  Leaning over, he kissed her forehead, then stroked her cheek.  “My Chloe... dearheart.  I love you too....  Now, forever, always.  You’re my world.”

She closed her eyes then, as if the effort to speak had taken everything out of her.  In a matter of minutes she was snoring softly.  The sound soothed his ravaged insides, and he leaned back in his chair.  They had made it through this before -- surely they could again?  Chloe was strong -- stronger than anyone he knew, human or angel.  And she was determined to see her daughter’s graduation.  Surely that would help her pull through....?

Sometime in the middle of the night, the nurses came to change her soiled bedlinens.  Lucifer stood outside of the room as he pulled out a cigarette from his silver case and tapped the end of it against the cover.  Smoking wasn’t allowed in the hospital, but there wasn’t a rule against fidgeting with one.  Taking a deep breath, he slipped the cigarette and case back into his pocket, fumbled with his cufflinks, and waited for the nurses to finish their business.

Sharp cries from his wife had him bursting into the room.  “What happened?”  He saw the nurse roughly handling Chloe’s arm -- the one that had been broken.  His hand shot out and gripped the nurse’s wrist in a bruising grip.  “She has a broken arm there, damn you!” he yelled.

The nurse grew pale and dropped Chloe’s arm.  “Sorry, sir, I didn’t know --”

“You should have told us,” the other nurse admonished as they finished cleaning their patient.

Lucifer’s blood pressure skyrocketed and his face flushed as he whirled on her.  “You dare to blame me for your rough handling of my wife?!”  If the Devil could have called down thunderbolts from the sky, the two nurses would have been incinerated right there on the spot.  They quickly scurried out of the room.

Turning to the woman on the bed, he was dismayed to see that her eyes had rolled to the back of her head.  “Chloe?”  When she didn’t respond, Lucifer’s stomach dropped to his knees.  He reached out to touch her cheek with a shaking hand, hoping that she would turn to him and smile.  Instead, her eyes remained staring at some point in space far above her head.  “Chloe, please -- look at me.”

She gave no indication that she heard him.

“Chloe,  _ please....” _

Her eyes stared blankly into space.

Ice filled Lucifer’s veins, creeping through his body, up his neck and over his scalp.  The room spun as dizziness assailed him, but he shook his head and bit the inside of his cheek until it bled.  He couldn’t afford to panic.  It was just a minor setback.  She would be fine in the morning.

He tried to sit down on the chair next to her bedside, missed, and ended up in a graceless heap on the floor.  After a few tries, he managed to pull himself onto the seat, then covered his face with his shaking hands.  Chloe had to be better in the morning -- she just had to be...!

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

But in the morning she was still unaware of her surroundings.  Sometimes she slept, her snores no longer soft and comforting but loud and guttural, almost like an animal’s.  Once in a while she moaned, but never spoke any discernable words.  When she opened her eyes, her gaze stayed fixed at some point in space above her head.  No matter how Lucifer pleaded with her, she did not respond.  It was as if her mind had gone to a place where he could not follow.

The doctor finally came to see him in the afternoon.  The prognosis was not good.  “Her kidneys are shutting down, as is her liver.  We can keep her here on life support if you wish, but we’ve done all we can.  The best we can do now is to make her comfortable.”

Lucifer turned to look at Dan and Trixie.  Tears streamed down the young woman’s face as she hugged her father, who looked utterly destroyed.  Remembering Chloe’s words, the fallen angel took a deep breath.  It did nothing to settle his churning stomach or ease the nausea suddenly overtaking him.  “Right.  We’ll take her home.  She should be at home.”

 

 

________________________________________

  
  


 

When they brought Chloe home on Sunday, she didn’t die right away, as everyone expected her to.  She was strong -- a fighter -- and she hung on.  Even off of life support, with no food, no water, and only a morphine IV to mitigate her pain, she kept on living.  The hospice nurse said it could take twenty-four hours... but she lived longer than that.

Lucifer sat by her side for hours on end, holding her hand.  Sometimes he picked it up and placed it on his cheek, giving himself the illusion that she was stroking it.  Of course she wasn’t, but he didn’t care.  The feel of her hand touched something deep inside him, prodding the embers in his soul as the very heart of him shriveled and died a slow death with her.

Her breathing still sounded guttural, but not as loud as it had been in the hospital, and she no longer opened her eyes.  She lay as still as a statue, but he knew she could still hear.  He sang her favorite 90’s songs -- Eternal Flame, (Everything I do) I Do It For You, I Will Always Love You -- he sang them all.  The hospice nurse wept just outside the master bedroom as his angelic voice filled the penthouse, but Chloe never stirred.  Lucifer sang until he grew hoarse, then switched to talking.

“Chloe, can you hear me?”  He tried to smile, tried to hide his agony from her, although he couldn’t keep the slight tremble out of his voice.  “My dear, you’re still as beautiful as the day I met you.  Do you remember, love?  You came into LUX to ask me about Delilah.  Ah, so long ago....  I was enthralled by you then just as much as I am now.”  Pain stabbed his chest as he pushed back the wave of memories threatening to overwhelm him.  “And remember when you came here and we played Heart and Soul together?”  He hummed a few bars, then let his voice peter out.

He opened and closed his hands, then fumbled with the blankets around her.  “Are you cold, dearheart?  How I wish I could hear your voice one more time.  Just one more time... yell at me, tell me that I’m an fool, that I’m acting like a five-year-old -- anything.”  He squeezed his eyes shut as his breath hitched in his chest.  “Please, Chloe -- open your eyes one more time... for me?”

Desperately he gazed at her, willing her to move, to smile, to roll her eyes at him and say, “Lucifer,” in that frustrated tone of voice he loved so much, but she did none of those things.

“You’re going to a beautiful place,” he finally said as he reached over the railing and caressed her cheek.  “The Silver City is... well....  I didn’t like it --”  He broke off and took a deep breath before speaking again.  “Right.  That doesn’t matter.  It’s Dad’s crown jewel.  When you go up there, you’ll see your father again.”  A soft, wistful smile touched his features.  “I know how much you want that.  You’ll get to be with him, hug him, tell him all about your life down here -- and about your little spawn, of course.”

He leaned his cheek against the hard plastic bed railing as he gazed at her.  “Heaven is a splendid place for souls.  It’s whatever you wish it to be.  A bit like Hell in reverse.  You’ll have a room there, and inside will be everything you can ever imagine.  A world so beautiful it will hurt your eyes, with colors so bright, it’s like they are oversaturated.  Oceans, canyons, lush greenery, all the animals you can think of, and then some... and family.  Whatever or whomever you desire to see will be there.”

A small bitter laugh spilled from him.  “Except me, of course.  Dad’s made it clear that... well, he doesn’t want me.”  The back of his eyes burned and his throat ached from trying to force the tears away.  “Believe me, I... I would do anything to be with you.  But Dad --”  He broke off again, sucking his breath between his teeth as he glanced around the room, his brows drawn together and his face in a grimace.  The tears he was trying so hard to control spilled forth as he stared at his wife.

“Don’t be scared, Chloe.  It’s a wondrous place you’re going to, believe me.”  He picked up her hand and held it.  “I’ll take care of your little spawn, so you don’t have to worry.  And I’ll be right here -- I’ll stay with you until it’s time for you to go.  I’ll see you off.  I can’t go with you, but... but I can do this, at least.”

Leaning over, he kissed her forehead.  “My beautiful detective, my lovely wife, my... Chloe.”  His voice broke on her name.  Biting his lower lip, he tried to hold back the sobs struggling to erupt from him chest.  “I’ll make sure you get off safely, dearheart.  I’ll be here the whole time.  You won’t be alone, I promise.”

 

 

________________________________________

  
  


 

Everyone came to visit Chloe in the final days to say goodbye.  As always, Lucifer stayed in the living room and gave the visitors privacy as they bade his wife farewell.  Maze, Linda, Amenadiel, Ella, Dan and Trixie -- they all came.  Even Penelope, although Lucifer wished she hadn’t.

She breezed in like she always did, dressed in an outfit too youthful for her age, and spent all of fifteen minutes with her comatose daughter before calling Lucifer into the room.  “Lucifer, I’m going now.  I have an audition to attend.”

The fallen angel gaped at his mother-in-law.  “I beg your pardon?”

She started to walk past him.  “I have an audition.  I’ll come back tomorrow.”

Lucifer’s hand snaked out and grabbed Penelope’s upper arm.  His eyes narrowed as his heartbeat pounded in his ears.  “Bloody hell, what is  _ wrong _ with you?  Your daughter is dying and you’re worried about an audition?!”

She ripped her arm from his grip, her face white and pinched.  “You don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t.”  He clenched his teeth as he took a step closer to her, towering over her threateningly.  “Right.  Why don’t you enlighten me?”

Penelope took a step back and tossed her head.  “You don’t have children, so you can’t possibly comprehend what I’m going through -- ”

“She needs you!”  He waved his arm at Chloe.  “She’s lying there, wanting you to be with her because you’re her  _ mother!” _

“Don’t take that self-righteous tone with me,” she snapped as she shoved her index finger into his chest.  “Who are you to judge?  Don’t you see?!  I can’t deal with this -- I can’t!”  The older woman glanced at Chloe as her eyes filled with tears.  “Children are supposed to die after their parents, not before.  I already buried a husband -- don’t expect me to stand around and watch Chloe --”  Her voice broke off in a choked sob, and she ran out of the room.

Lucifer stared at the woman through the bedroom doorway, watching her until she took the elevator down and away.  Flinging up his hands, he let out an exasperated cry and shook his head at inexplicable human behavior.  As he took his chair beside Chloe’s bedside, he glanced at his wife and was horrified to see tears well in her closed eyes and roll down her face.

Oh, bloody hell -- Chloe had heard, even though she was comatose.

“Don’t cry, love.  Please don’t cry,” he said as he grabbed a tissue and gently wiped them away.  “She didn’t mean it.  I’m so sorry you had to hear that.”  The fallen angel gripped her hand and kissed it, frantically wondering how to ease her suffering.  Chloe had always been the one to give comfort, not him....

“Right -- I’m here, love.  I’m right here beside you.”  He blinked away the tears and tried to smile.  “Your mum... I know you want your mum, but....  How do I make this better?  Please....”  His voice broke.  “Tell me how to make this better.”

Weeping with her, he leaned over and pressed his forehead to hers, before he gave her a soft kiss on her forehead.

“I don’t know how to... I wish....  I’m sorry, Chloe... so sorry....”

 

 

________________________________________

  
  


 

When Chloe finally left the mortal realm, it was a Thursday.  She had been in a coma for five days.

She had been so strong, fighting for life the entire time, that Lucifer began to think that she would defy the doctor’s prognosis and wake up.  He knew her organs were failing her, but she still lived, didn’t she?  Hope, like a weed that could not be destroyed no matter how much one yanked at it, sprung up and spread its seeds within the fallen angel.  Perhaps Dad had changed his mind.  She’d wake up, get better, and be able to see Trixie graduate.  It had been her greatest wish....

But in this he was wrong.  His father was nothing, if not cruel.

Dan and Trixie came over after Trixie’s school, and spent time with Chloe as Lucifer sat on the living room couch, giving them private time with his wife.  In truth, he was grateful for the break.  He was exhausted -- not physically, but mentally.  He was so tired.  The days had all melted together, and he had no idea which way was up anymore.  It seemed like Chloe had been ill forever.  Working beside her, enjoying wonderful naked cuddle time, cooking her meals, taking her on trips and spoiling her rotten -- that all seemed so long ago.  Furrowing his brow, he struggled to recall her healthy, laughing face framed by thick locks of burnished gold and her eyes sparkling with mischief.  A deathly chill ran down his spine when he realized he couldn’t remember how she had looked before the illness.

Dan walked out of the master bedroom and took a seat beside him with a sigh.  “Aw, man, this is hard.  I honestly don’t know how you do it.  I mean, geez....”

Lucifer shrugged.  “Needs must when the Devil drives.”  He glanced at the other man.  “What are you doing out here, anyway?”

“Oh, the nurse is going to change Chloe.  Trixie wanted to stay, since she’s decided she wants to be a doctor.”

“Ah... no doubt because of her mother.”

Yeah.  Chloe would be proud.”

The fallen angel leaned his head against the backrest and closed his eyes.  Pain shot through his heart at the thought of what his wife’s reaction would have been -- pure joy.  “Indeed.”

Silence reigned for a few moments before Trixie suddenly came running out of the master bedroom.  “Quick,” she cried, her voice high-pitched and strained.  “Mom -- she’s gone.”

For a second Lucifer sat there, unable to believe his ears, and then he was running for the master bedroom.  He slammed his toe against the coffee table but felt nothing, jammed his shoulder against the wall when he took a corner too tightly, then scrambled into the room.  The hospice nurse was standing over her, her eyes saying everything.

_ No... please, Dad, don’t take her away -- _

“Chloe!”  His heart was a huge rock in his chest, pressing against his lungs and making it impossible to breathe.  Tripping over his own feet, he managed to make his way to her side, panting with fear and desperation.  He snatched up her hand in his.  “Dearheart, no -- please.  Open your eyes, please!”

Nothing.

“She’s gone, Mister Morningstar --”

He shook his head furiously.  “She wouldn’t go without me.  I told her I’d see her off.  I told her I’d be here for her.”  He squeezed his eyes shut as his eyes burned.  “I promised her she’d never be alone!”  Opening his eyes, he tried to smile even as tears poured down his cheeks.  “Chloe.... Chloe, darling, please....  I was supposed to see you off.  Please --”

Arms grabbed him from behind as someone -- he didn’t know who -- said words in a voice meant to be soothing.  It all sounded like buzzing in his ears.  He couldn’t understand what they were saying.  He shook them off and tightened his grip on Chloe’s hands.

“Chloe, Chloe, dearheart, tell them they’re wrong.  You’re still here, aren’t you?  Please...  _ please....” _

His vision blurred as he tried to focus on his wife.  Surely she was still breathing?  They were wrong -- they had to be.  She wouldn’t leave him alone.  Chloe wouldn’t leave him.

“Lucifer.”  Trixie’s voice broke through his grief.  “Lucifer, I was with her when she went.”  As he turned to her, his face pulled into a mask of grief, she nodded at him through her tears.  “She was suffering, so I told her it was okay to go.  She took a breath... and then she was gone.”

His insides felt empty, hollow, cold....  “Nay.”  Was that his voice, so thin and broken?

“Come on, Lucifer.  I know how hard this is, but she’s my mom, too.  Can... can I have a few moments with her alone?”

At her request, he glanced at her and saw how much she was suffering, as well.  With a jerky nod, he stumbled out of the bedroom and to the bar.  His hands shook as he tried to pour himself a drink, but Scotch spilled all over the counter.  In a rage, he hefted the crystal decanter and threw it across the room.  It shattered against the far wall with a satisfying crash.

No one went near him while Trixie and Dan sat with Chloe.  Time seemed to slow down for the fallen angel as he stood at the bar with his heart completely shattered inside his chest.  Self-recrimination echoed over and over in his head as he cursed himself for not being there when she had passed away.  He had completely failed her.  Had she been angry that he hadn’t been there?  Had she been cursing him?  Or had she been scared as she faced the unknown?  All sorts of horrible thoughts swirled around his head until he thought he would go insane.

A hand touched his arm.  Trixie stood beside him, her eyes red-rimmed and puffy.  “Okay, Lucifer, you can go see her now.”

It took all his concentration to place one foot in front of the other.  His gait was stiff and unnatural as he made his way back into the master bedroom and took his seat beside her.  Her face had turned a sickly gray color.  With shaking hands, he reached out and took her hand in his.  The warmth had already left it.  He squeezed it, then picked it up and placed it on his cheek.  Tears rolled down his face as he pressed it to him.

“Chloe.”  His voice was uneven when he spoke.  “I love you.  I love you so much.  I just wish....”  He bit his lower lip as his eyes wandered the room before coming back to rest on her.  “My dear, beautiful Chloe.  I’m so sorry.  I’m so, so sorry....”

She hadn’t wanted him to cry -- he remembered that belatedly.  Pursing his lips, he blinked hard and tried to stop the sobs that wracked his frame.  He finally leaned over and rested his head against her chest.  When he took a shuddering breath, her body under him seemed to expand too.  Unbidden, tears fell from his eyes and soaked the nightgown under his cheek.  He took a breath -- two -- and felt comforted by the illusion of movement under him.

“Please don’t go.  Don’t leave me.  I can breathe for the both of us, so just... stay.”

He stayed like that for a long time, unmoving, as her body grew colder under him.

Voices finally made their way into his consciousness as Amenadiel’s hand touched his shoulder.  “Luci.”

He really didn’t want to talk, but his brother kept calling his name.  “Go away,” he finally said.

“I can’t, Luci.  I can’t leave you like this.  This isn’t Chloe -- not anymore.”

_ “Go away.” _  He took another deep breath.  She was still breathing with him.  She hadn’t left him, she hadn’t, she hadn’t....

“I felt her soul ascend, and I know you did too.  Let her go, brother.”

The coldness within him crystallized into ice, freezing everything it touched until he couldn’t feel anything.  He was completely numb.  “She wouldn’t have left me.”

“She’s gone already -- believe me, brother.”  The angel sighed and rubbed his forehead.  “Luci, Dan called the mortuary.  They’re coming to pick her up now.  You have to let go.”  He squeezed his fallen brother’s shoulder again.  “Please, Luci.  Please.”

Lucifer knew Amenadiel was right -- he just didn’t want to let go.  Chloe was his heart, his very soul.  How could he survive without her?  He couldn’t even go visit her in the Silver City, thanks to dear old Dad.  He wanted to scream in fury, throw things around, punch someone... but he did none of those things. Instead he pulled himself to his feet and nodded.

“When the mortuary comes, you should leave the room.”

Lucifer squinted at his brother.  “Why?”

“They need to put her in a body bag and take her away.  You don’t want to be around to see that.”

No... no, he didn’t.

So when the mortuary people came to take Chloe’s body, Lucifer went into the living room and sat there on the couch.  Trixie sat beside him and leaned her head against his arm while they waited for the workers to be done.  It was only when Lucifer saw the men wheeling out a body in a black zippered bag on a gurney that it hit him.

The love of his life was truly gone.

 

 


	5. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my wonderful beta, titC! You make my work shine!

 

 

The first day was the hardest.

Going through Chloe’s medication, having to dispose of the morphine and other opioids with the hospice nurse as the law dictated, was hell.  Every time he picked up a bottle, he saw his wife in his mind’s eye: pale, thin, in horrible pain and pleading for him to end her life.  When Trixie saw his white face and his haunted expression, she shooed him out of the room and took over the task.

The rest of the morning he spent sitting in the chair that had become a second home to him, and stared blankly at the empty bed at his side.  The oppressive silence weighed him down, stifled him, suffocated him, but he couldn’t leave.  All the usual sounds he had grown so used to -- the creaking bed, Chloe’s soft snores, the regular rhythm of her breathing, in and out -- all of it had been replaced by a voracious silence that ate its way into his brain and threatened to send him spiralling into madness.

Fighting off the claustrophobia closing in around him, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  If he concentrated very hard, he could still pick out the beautiful scent that was Chloe -- the floral notes of her shampoo, the aroma of fabric softener he used to wash her nightgown, even the very warmth of her.  Surely she was still here?

Sometimes she slept very quietly... perhaps this was one of those times.  Yes, yes.  She was still there on the bed, sleeping, and he was watching over her.  He’d open his eyes and she’d be lying on the bed, resting peacefully.  He’d reach over and stroke the mussed strands of hair from her forehead and kiss her gently there.  He’d tell her how much he loved her, how glad he was to have her in his life....

“Lucifer?”

Dan’s voice startled him, and he jumped.  His eyes flew open as he opened his mouth to berate him, tell him to be quiet, for couldn’t he see that Chloe was sleeping?  But then Lucifer caught sight of the empty bed, and his insides grew cold as his stomach clenched.  Hot tears sprung to his eyes, but he blinked them back.  He squeezed his eyes shut as he fought back the nausea that overwhelmed him.  Pulling up all his strength, he turned to see Dan standing at the master bedroom doorway.  Somehow he found it within himself to give a little smile.

“Hello, Daniel.”

“We need to go to the funeral home, make arrangements.  Penelope’s going to meet us there.”

The words sounded like gibberish to the Devil’s ears.  Nothing the man said made sense.  “I beg your pardon?”

Dan took a step inside.  “The funeral home.  Come on, Lucifer.  Chloe still needs us, you know.  We can’t leave her like....”  his voice trailed off.

For a moment Lucifer just stared dumbly at him, then he shut his eyes.  Right.  Chloe.  Or rather, what was left of her.  He didn’t know if he could do this -- talk to the director, plan the service, sort through all the tiny details....  But when he opened his eyes, he saw Trixie looking at him from behind Dan’s back, her face full of strain.  At that moment Chloe’s face superimposed itself over hers, once again healthy, her golden hair shining in the light, and her aqua eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Stop being a slacker, Lucifer!  We have to go to work....”  The echo of her happy voice rang in his head.

Blinking back the sudden rush of tears welling in his eyes, he nodded as he rose from his chair.  Every year that he had lived suddenly felt like a rock resting on his shoulders, weighing him down as he shuffled toward Dan.  For the first time in his very long life, he felt old.  “Yes.  Right.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Everyone rallied around Lucifer at the funeral home.

Dan, along with Penelope -- who suddenly started helping out now that Chloe had passed on -- worked out most of the pertinent arrangements while Trixie sat beside the fallen angel with an arm slung across his back as she leaned against him.  The weight of her head against his shoulder was almost too much to bear, for she felt so much like his wife, but he didn’t shrug her off.  No, this was Trixie -- the only thing left of Chloe -- and he cherished her and her big heart.

Some of the decisions weren’t so hard.  Well, perhaps that was because Lucifer suddenly found himself unable to feel anything.  A giant blanket surrounded him, stifled him, sucked all the life out of him.  The world took on a dreamlike quality as he tried to concentrate on what was being asked of him.

Burial?  No -- cremation.

Chloe’s words echoed in his head so clearly that for a split-second he thought she was right there beside him.   _ This isn’t me.  Burn me when I die.  Don’t let anyone see me like this... please. _

Viewing?  No, no viewing.  Chloe had been adamant about that.

Then all that was left was working out all the details like where her ashes would be laid to rest, what kind of urn to place her remains in, what her headstone would say, when the funeral would be....  Lucifer didn’t care about any of that, and let Penelope and Dan decide all of those particulars.  All he knew was that Chloe was gone, and nothing he could do would bring her back.  She was in the Silver City, and he would never see her again.  Being banished from Heaven had never seemed as much a punishment as it did now -- he was barred from her, for all eternity, and he was left with nothing of her.  Nothing.

“Is there anything you wish from her before we cremate her?”

For the first time, Lucifer finally felt the spark of something stir within him.  “Yes,” he said.  “A lock of hair.  I’d like... a lock of her hair.”

The director nodded.  “We can do that.”

 

 

________________________________________

  
  


 

Because of the timing of Chloe’s death, they decided to hold off on the memorial service until after Trixie’s high school graduation.  It was an event Chloe had desperately wanted to see, but she had missed it by two weeks.  A knife pierced Lucifer’s heart with every beat, carving his insides out with its blunt tip.  She should have been sitting next to him on the uncomfortable bleachers, wearing a floppy hat to protect her skin against the California sun’s harsh rays.  She should have been gripping his arm as she pointed down on the football field where the commencement was taking place, her eyes alight with joy at the sight of Trixie in her cap and gown.

A terrible longing welled up within him, crashing against him like a rogue wave, drowning him in its overwhelming turbulence, and sending him to the bottom of grief’s deep blue sea.  Slipping a photo of Chloe out of his shirt pocket, he held it up, her image toward the field, during the entire ceremony.  People around him gave him strange looks, but he didn’t care.

“See, love?” he whispered to the photo as the principal read Trixie’s name.  He lifted the photo higher as the young woman proudly walked up to receive her diploma.  “She’s graduating high school.  Do you see?”

There was no answer.

A sad smile touched his face.  “Right.  You wanted to see her graduate with top honors, and she has.  You would be --”  His voice broke.  “-- proud.”

After the commencement ceremony, he followed the hordes of people to the large grassy area behind the bleachers where the graduates congregated.  The sea of gold and blue gowns resembled a school of golden fish swimming in the shimmering ocean, undulating with the tide.  Lucifer shaded his eyes against the bright sunlight and squinted, searching for Trixie.

She found him, barreling into him like she always did, her cap flying off as she made contact.  Her arms wrapped tightly around him as she hugged him hard.  Tipping her head back, she smiled up at him with eyes shining like the sun.  “Lucifer!  You made it!”

“We made it,” he gently corrected as he eased out of her arms, took out the photo of Chloe from his shirt pocket, and showed it to her.  “Your mother would have been proud.”

Trixie gingerly took the photo from him, staring down at it with her fingers stroking its glossy surface. When she raised her eyes back to his, they were full of unshed tears.  “Thank you.  I know how hard this is for you --”

“Your mother promised she’d be here to see your graduation.  I couldn’t let her break her word, now could I?”

The teenager rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, then handed the photo back to him.  “Mom would have been so happy.”  With the impetuousness of a child, she swiped up her cap from the ground, then grabbed his arm and started dragging him across the field.  “Everyone’s here -- Dad, Nana, Ella, Maze, Amenadiel and Linda.  We’re going to go get some dinner.  Come with us!”

Lucifer’s steps grew heavy, slowing them both down.  “Ah.  Right.  Listen, child, I can’t --”

“Of course you can.”  She tugged at him.

He shook his head as everything inside him screamed in agony.  “No.  No, I can’t.”

Trixie turned and pouted at him.  “Why not?  It’s my graduation --”

He flinched at her words.  Floundering, he raised his hands and shook his head.  “I can’t.  Not without....”  His words fell away as his chin fell against his chest and his shoulders slumped.  Unable to hold her gaze, he stared at the crushed grass under his feet.  “I just can’t.  Please don’t ask me to.”

Her arms wrapped around him and squeezed.  When she spoke, her voice was wobbly.  “I lost her too, you know... and right now I need you with me.  When you’re there it’s like she is too, you know?”  The young woman looked up at him, her eyes swimming with tears.  “Please, Lucifer.  For me.  Come for me.”

He didn’t want to.  Everything inside of him rebelled against the suggestion, for how could he go and celebrate Trixie’s special day when his heart was dead?  When nothing mattered anymore?  How could he pretend to be happy when he was bleeding from every pore in his body?  His whole being hurt more than when he had Fallen and burned, except it was his insides on fire, as if he had swallowed a phosphorus bomb.  The torment was excruciating.

_ Promise me, Lucifer.  Promise you’ll take care of Trixie when I’m gone.  She’ll need you more than ever. _

Lucifer heard Chloe’s words resound in his head, almost as if she had whispered them in his ear.  His heart squeezed as a sharp pain lanced through him, nearly doubling him over.  Even though he had promised, his insides rebelled at the thought of eating with all the others and pretending to be happy when that emotion was one he would never feel again.

_ Chloe!  How am I supposed to do this?  How can I do this without you? _

_ Try, my love, _ he heard her say on the faint breeze caressing his ear.   _ Try. _

He bowed his head, wishing with everything in his heart that his beloved was by him, holding his hand, laughing as she encouraged him to do what was right.  Finally nodding but unable to meet the young woman’s eyes, he said, “Very well.  I’ll come.”

Trixie smiled up at him through her tears and squeezed him again, before leading him to the others.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

He had thought Graduation Day was bad, but the days leading to the memorial service were far worse.  There were the flowers to buy, the venue to arrange, the speeches to write, the reception to prepare afterward.  Lucifer was too furious at Dad to have the funeral in one of his churches, so he chose the beach at Malibu where Chloe had first kissed him.  It seemed fitting.

It was a crazy time. Lucifer just wanted to throw chairs at everyone and yell for them all to leave him alone, just leave him with Chloe’s ashes and go away... but he couldn’t do that.  No, he had to be strong -- only he didn’t feel strong.  The pain in his heart refused to go away, and the clawing emptiness inside of him constantly reminded him of his loss.  All he wanted to have his Chloe back.  Why couldn’t he have that -- or at least the illusion of it?  He often clutched her pillow to his chest as he huddled in bed, under the covers -- his own bed, not the hospital bed Chloe had lain in.  Just the sight of that contraption had made his heart race and his breath grow short, so he had gotten rid of it as soon as possible.  With it gone, he could pretend that this was all just a dream, a nightmare -- Dad’s idea of a joke -- and that Chloe had merely stepped out on an errand....

Trixie stayed by his side and helped him get through the morass of things to be done.  She took away his alcohol when she thought he was drinking too much, and generally held him up when all he wanted to do was die.  She should have been out having the best summer vacation of her life, instead of caring for a broken Devil.  The thought made Lucifer’s heart ache.  He certainly wasn’t taking care of her like he had promised, was he?  And yet he couldn’t seem to pull himself together.

On the day of the service, she marched right into his room and pulled back the drapes, letting the sun shine right onto his face.  As he groaned and lifted a hand to block the light, she grabbed it and yanked him out of bed.  Clad only in his boxer shorts, he stood in the middle of the room as he rubbed his eyes, while she went to his closet and pulled out a black suit, as well as a black silk shirt and tie.

When he passed her on his way to the bathroom, she stopped him with an arm across his chest.  Her voice was gentle, yet firm when she spoke.  “You can do this, Lucifer.  Let’s give Mom a proper send-off.”

A proper send-off.

Lucifer’s stomach twisted as his heart faltered at her words.  He certainly hadn’t sent Chloe off properly, had he?  He had promised her he’d see her off, and he had failed miserably.  She had left without him and left him here on this wretched planet, with no hope.  No hope at all.

But now he had the chance to correct things and truly send her off properly.  Yes, he could do this.  He gave Trixie a little nod before he took the clothes out of her arms and headed toward the shower.

After making the fallen angel breakfast, Trixie stood over him at the dining table, alternately bullying and cajoling him until he finished everything on his plate.  Then she took his car keys -- “you’re in no condition to drive,” she told him -- and drove them both to the beach.

Many people came -- too many people.  He didn’t know who they all were.  They crowded onto the sand, sitting onto the chairs, and when there were no more seats left, they stood around in a half circle.  Chloe would have been happy so many people came, although it was too overwhelming for Lucifer.  Chloe was  _ his wife. _  Where were they when she was dying of cancer?  Had they come to visit?  No.  Phoned?  No.  Had they even cared?  Like the child in the old  _ Twilight Zone _ episode, he wanted to wish them all away into the cornfield so that he could hug her urn and mourn her in solitude, but Trixie’s hand on his arm kept him in check.

Dan took over the ceremonies, knowing that Lucifer was in no condition to preside over the events.  Penelope talked about Chloe’s childhood, Dan about her work life.  Trixie started to thank everyone for coming and broke out into tears at the podium, but as Lucifer rose out of his chair to help her back to her seat, she caught his eye, shook her head, and finished her speech.  Ella, Linda, and Maze told funny anecdotes about Chloe that had everyone chuckling through their tears.  And Amenadiel took over the function of priest, offering some words of comfort to everyone there.

Lucifer, though, said nothing.  What could he say?  His insides shriveled up without Chloe, leaving nothing behind but an empty husk.  His outsides remained, functioning as if he was a live thing -- eating, drinking, talking, sleeping -- but there was no life there.  He was a robot, merely imitating an existence, but completely dead inside.

After the service was over, everyone piled into their cars to drive to the cemetery for the burial.  As Trixie drove the Corvette, Lucifer held the urn lovingly in his arms.  It was all that was left of Chloe -- that, and the lock of hair in an envelope that the funeral director had given him before the service.  Once she was lowered into the ground, she would be gone, and he’d have to face the fact that he would be alone for the rest of eternity.  His insides churned at the thought.

The plot that Lucifer had bought for Chloe was located up on a hill, with a gorgeous view of the city.  At night the lights would twinkle like stars -- he figured she would like that.  The ground had already been dug and the workmen stood around with their shovels under a nearby tree, waiting for the ceremony to be finished.  The funeral director stood next to a concrete box in which the urn would be placed and sealed.

As Amenadiel took over the role of priest once again, speaking words of comfort to the crowd, Trixie tapped Lucifer on the shoulder.  “We have to place Mom in the box now.”

Lucifer’s grip tightened on the porcelain vessel.  “No.”

The young woman sighed, then rubbed his back.  “Lucifer....”

_ “No.” _  His pent-up agony finally broke through the mask of calm he had been maintaining, and his eyes flared red before filling with tears.  He swallowed convulsively at the ache at the back of his throat.  “Please.  Don’t take her away.”

“You have to let go.”  Trixie’s voice was soft, gentle, and oh, so much like her mother’s.  “Mom needs to be laid to rest.”

“But....”  He glanced over at the forbidding grey box.  “She’ll be so cold and alone....”

Tears overflowed from Trixie’s eyes and ran down her face in rivulets.  “Then give her your jacket.  She won’t be cold, and it will comfort her.  That way she’ll always have a part of you near her.”

For a long moment Lucifer stared at her, his knuckles white with the force of his grip on the urn.

“Come on,” she coaxed.  “You can do it, Lucifer.  She’d want you to.”  Trixie nudged him toward the box.  “Come on, let her rest now.  She deserves a little rest, don’t you think?”

The fallen angel glanced down at the urn in his hands, then back at Trixie, unsure of what to do.  He didn’t want to let Chloe go, and yet Trixie’s words made sense.  His wife did deserve a rest.  After all the pain and suffering Dad had put her through, he could give her that, at least.  His movements were jerky as he placed the porcelain container into the box, then slowly removed his jacket.  After slipping his phone from its pocket, he lovingly wrapped the garment around the urn, as if placing it around her shoulders.

“There, my dear,” he whispered as he smoothed the fabric down.  “Stay warm.  I’m with you.  I’ll always be with you.”

As Trixie pulled him away from the box, the workmen placed the heavy lid on the box, sealing it shut with some sort of grout or epoxy, then lowered Chloe into the ground.  As everyone watched, they tossed the dirt onto the box roughly, almost carelessly.  The sight of it made Lucifer’s hands clench into fists, and he gritted his teeth while Trixie clung to his arm.  When the workmen finally placed a patch of sod over the dirt and patted it down, it was over.  It was like a death sentence, a jail cell door being slammed shut on Lucifer’s face.  He was alone, now.  Truly alone.

“The post-funeral reception will be held at LUX,” Dan announced to the crowd.  “Everyone’s welcome.  It’s an open bar.  Please come and help us celebrate Chloe’s life.”

As everyone started filing away, Trixie stayed by Lucifer, her hand trembling slightly as she took his arm.  “Shall we go?”

The fallen angel’s heart squeezed painfully at the sight of her red-rimmed, puffy eyes and her pale complexion.  She was suffering so much, but he couldn’t think of what to do to alleviate her pain.  Patting her hand, he tried to comfort her as best as he could, but he had never been good at this.  Chloe had always been the one to wrap her arms around Trixie and coax a smile from her, not him.

“You... you did well today.”  He winced at the inane remark.

“Thanks.”

“Your mother would be proud.”

Tears burst from Trixie’s eyes as she hugged Lucifer and buried her face in his shirt like she used to when she was a child.  The fallen angel took a step back instinctively before pulling the young woman into his arms and squeezing her back.  Why couldn’t he think of better things to say instead of hurtful things?  He wanted to kick himself.

“I... I’m sorry,” he finally told her as her sobs turned into hitched breaths.  “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Trixie took a deep breath.  “It’s okay.  I’m... okay.  I just miss her, you know?”

Lucifer closed his eyes.  “I know.”

They stayed wrapped in each other’s arm for a long moment before the young woman pulled back and wiped the tears from her eyes.  “We’re going to be late to the reception.”

He sighed.  “Right.  About that....”  As he looked over at Chloe’s plot, he bit his lower lip.  His insides hurt -- no, his  _ heart _ hurt, as if his brother Michael had run him through with the Flaming Sword.  “Would you mind terribly going to LUX without me?  I... I’d like to be alone with your mother.”

Trixie frowned at him.  “Lucifer --”

“Please.”  His gaze returned to her.  “I can fly back.  Take the Corvette.”

Her mouth set into a tight line.  “You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Ah, she was so stubborn, like her mother!  But he couldn’t bring himself to go to the reception.  Even though he usually thrived in the presence of people, today was not like any other day.  There had been far too many strangers for his liking, and he just wanted some private time with his wife.

“I’ll be fine.”  He tried to smile, although he was sure it looked more like a grimace.  “You go on ahead.  I’ll see you at home.”

Her brows drew down as she frowned at him.  “But --”

“Please.”

She studied him for a full minute before she finally nodded.  “Okay, but if you’re not home by dark, I’m coming after you.”

So fierce!  Lucifer’s mouth quirked up in a reluctant smile.  “Very well.  You have yourself a deal.”

After hugging him once again, she started walking to the car, although she stopped and looked back at him several times.  Each time he waved, until at last she got into the Corvette and drove away.  As he watched the car disappear down the road, he breathed a sigh of relief, then squatted next to the grave.  The afternoon sun beat down on him, drying the earth around him, as well as the sod the workmen had placed over the freshly filled plot.

“Well, my dear, we’re alone at last.”  He reached out and touched the dry grass, stroking it like a lover.  “I think it went well, don’t you?”

A gentle breeze swept by, rustling the leaves in the nearby tree and tousling Lucifer’s hair.  Closing his eyes, he imagined that it was Chloe, running her hand through his hair, as she often did.  He knew it wasn’t, but... it was nice to dream.

“Your little spawn did well today.  She’s gone to LUX for the reception.  There were so many people --”  He broke off.  Why was he talking about pointless subjects when he finally had her alone?  Swallowing hard, he took a seat on the grass and linked his arms around his knees.

“I miss you.”  His voice broke on the words.  “I miss your smile, your teasing, even your soft snores.  I miss the gold highlights of your beautiful hair.  I miss your aqua eyes sparkling like sunlight dancing on the ocean.  I miss your bravery, your compassion, your hand stroking my cheek, your warmth....”  He rested his forehead on his knees.  “Why did you have to go?  Damn it all, we were supposed to have years ahead of us.”  His voice grew louder and louder until he was shouting.  “Why did you leave me?!”

He squeezed his eyes shut as he tipped his face to the sky.  When he spoke, his voice was cracked like a piece of broken glass.  “I failed you.  I should have found a way to get Dad to save you... cure you.  I should have found a way.”  Hot tears leaked from the corners of his eyes.  “I’m so sorry, Chloe.  You can’t know how sorry I am.”

He took a shuddering breath as he looked back at the ground under which she lay.  “I want to lie down and die right here, so that you won’t be alone.  I know you’re up with Dad, but... but can’t I have a little part of you with me, as well?  Why did he have to take you away to a place I could never follow?  How am I to live without you?”

A vast hollowness formed within him, stretching to every corner of his body and sucking his very essence away.  Dying... he was dying... and yet his foolish heart still beat and his lungs continued to fill with air.  He cursed his stupid immortal body.  Why didn’t it ever do what he wanted it to do?  He fell upon the earth, writhing as he struggled to push himself right into the ground, to be with Chloe’s remains... but the soil remained stubbornly in the way.  Pressing his cheek against the grass, his breath caught in his chest as tears flowed from his eyes and dampened the ground beneath him.

“Chloe,” he whispered.  “Chloe, I know you told me not to cry, but... surely it’s all right now?  You needn’t worry -- I’m alone.  Beatrice can’t see...  Just for a little bit, love.  Just give me this little bit.”

There was no answer but the sound of the wind rustling the tree leaves and the occasional call of a bird in the distance.

The tears flowed faster as he squeezed his eyes shut.  “I miss you, dearheart.  My Chloe.  I just... miss you.”

Sprawled on the ground, he longed for some sign that told him a part of her still remained with him, but there was nothing except the unyielding earth beneath him and the open sky above.  He was alone.

For a long time he lay on his wife’s plot as he sobbed into the grass.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The following days were hell.

At times he thought he would go insane.  Whichever way he turned, his eyes would light upon an object that awakened a memory of Chloe.  There was her favorite coffee cup with its chipped rim -- the one he kept pestering her to replace.  The couch reminded him of all the times they spent lying on it, laughing and snuggling as they watched television.  And the bar?  When he looked at it, he remembered the time she drank shots of Scotch, matching him drink for drink, until she got completely smashed and he had to carry her to bed.  Everything around him was a memory that taunted him, reminded him that all of his recollections were dust -- that Chloe was forever out of his reach.

More than once he thought about leaving the penthouse and buying a house somewhere far away, but he couldn’t do it.  He told himself it was because he had to look after Beatrice, but that wasn’t it at all.  The truth was that he couldn’t bear to turn his back on Chloe.  She was his heart, his soul.  What would he do if he couldn’t even endure remembering her?  Falling into madness bloody well seemed far more desirable than to live without her.  Ah, if only he could lose his mind and forget....

Trixie tried her best to talk to him, to connect with him, but he didn’t know how to respond.  Never before had he experienced such overwhelming grief.  He was a tiny boat on a roiling, angry sea of sorrow, and he couldn’t cope.  Rudderless, he didn’t even know how to steer for the shelter that Trixie was offering, so he did what he did best -- he shut her out.  Oh, he still spoke to her, but only on mundane things -- he asked how her summer job was going, how her father was getting along.  He made no mention of Chloe, and when Trixie tried to bring her up, he gave her a smile that didn’t reach his sad eyes and changed the subject.

The days crawled by for the fallen angel, each second feeling like an hour as time ticked by, but the nights were the worst.  At bedtime he clutched her pillow and buried his nose in it, smelling the fragrance of her.  Each night the scent faded a little more, until one day it was gone.

When that happened, he lost all rational thought.  Roaring like an angry lion, he threw the lamp at the wall, overturned the bed, and knocked over the nightstand.  His eyes glowed like fiery embers as his human visage receded, leaving behind his scarred and burned self.  Storming into the living room, he grabbed an armchair and heaved it at a nearby bookshelf.  With a huge crash, the chair broke the shelves and scattered books everywhere.  Throwing back his head, the fallen angel screamed his fury at the heavens.

Then suddenly Trixie was there beside him, dressed in her nightgown, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him close.

“Lucifer!  Lucifer!”

Unable to hear her over the roaring in his ears, he howled as agony tore at his insides, and he struggled against her.  Clinging to him like an octopus, she continued to scream his name until he finally stopped and stared down at her.  Sanity slowly returned to his enraged brain.

“B-Beatrice?”  His human appearance reformed around him as the red slowly faded from his eyes.

Pale and shaken, she nodded against him and gave him a wobbly smile.  “Yes, it’s me.”

Lucifer glanced around him then felt heat rush into his cheeks.  Suddenly boneless, his legs buckled under him and he collapsed on the floor, taking Trixie with him.  “Oh... oh, goodness.”

She managed to smile.  “Goodness, indeed.”

What had he done?!  As he surveyed the damage around the room, nausea struck him, smothering him in its tight grip.  He could have hurt Beatrice!  As the blood drained from his face, he tried to look at her, and found that he couldn’t.  “I... I never meant....”

She rubbed his back and leaned against his arm.  “It’s okay, Lucifer.”

Lucifer planted his hands on the floor, his fingers clawing at the black tiles.  Hanging his head, he shut his eyes and bit his lower lip.  “I never meant....  I just... miss her.”  His voice shook as he swallowed back the tears crowding his throat.  Chloe had asked him not to cry for her and he was trying so hard, but... it was too much.  A deluge of emotions struggled to burst from him, but he forced it back -- he had to.  Taking a shuddering breath, he covered his face with his hands and shook his head.

Trixie’s touch was gentle as she pulled his hands away and clutched them in her own.  Tilting her head, she tried to catch his eye.  “Hey, it’s okay.”

The fallen angel jerked back as he looked at the young woman.  Her words, the intonation, the voice... had been Chloe’s.

“It’s okay to grieve, Lucifer.  It’s okay.  I miss Mom too.  I miss her so much it’s like I’m dying.”  She wrapped an arm around his shoulders.  “But when I feel like that, I cry... and it helps.  It really does.  So don’t hold everything in.  If you’re sad, cry.  It’s okay.  Or rage and throw things.”  Her mouth quirked up at one corner.  “Just warn me when you’re going to do that.”

Heat burned in his cheeks.  “I didn’t mean --”

“I know.”  she gave him a little squeeze.  “Honestly, it’s okay.  Don’t bottle up your feelings -- Mom wouldn’t want that.  Just cry -- you’ll feel better.”

“I want to -- terribly.”  Tipping his head back, he studied the ceiling intently as he fought the urge to weep.  “I want to, but what good would it do?  It won’t bring her back.”

“No, but it will make you feel better.  Trust me on this.  You don’t have to be ‘Super-cool Lucifer’ all the time.  It’s perfectly fine to show emotions.  We’re human.”

Lucifer glanced at her.  “I’m not.  Human, that is.”

“I know, but you still have feelings, and you lost someone you love.  It’s okay to grieve.”

His cold heart suddenly felt like a lead weight in his chest, and he shook his head.  “I can’t.”

Trixie’s brows drew down.  “Why not?”

“Your mother asked me to take care of you.  How can I take care of you if I can’t even... can’t even function?”  Striking out at the floor, his fist cracked the black tile.  “I promised her.  I promised, but I can’t if I....”

“Crying will help,” she said gently.  “Come on, let go, Lucifer.  Your insides will feel better if you cry.”

Worrying his lower lip between his teeth, he gazed at her and asked, “Truly?”

Trixie nodded, suddenly looking wise beyond her years.  “Truly.”  She opened her arms to him.

Lucifer’s eyes swam with tears as he stared at her for a moment, then he pulled her in his arms.  Clutching her to him, he buried his face in her neck and wept for Chloe, for himself, and for all the time that they should have had, but didn’t.  He cried for the plans they had made, the places they were going to see.  He sobbed as he remembered the pain she had been in, and the horrible way she had passed on.  And he wept because he’d never see her again, and the loneliness was eating him alive.

When the storm finally passed, Trixie rubbed his back just like Chloe used to do and gave him an encouraging smile, even though tears ran down her face.  “There.  Don’t you feel better?”

Like a child, he nodded mutely and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.  Trixie leaned over and kissed his forehead.

“Mom asked me to take care of you, too,” she said softly.

Lucifer looked up at that, his eyes widening at her words.  “She did?”

“She did.”  She chuckled, again sounding so much like her mother that pain lanced the fallen angel’s insides.  “I guess she knew we’d need each other.  So let’s take care of each other, okay?”

Pressing his eyes shut, Lucifer nodded as the ice around his heart slowly started to melt.

 

 


	6. Life After Chloe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to titC for beta-ing this chapter! You are awesome!

 

 

Things got easier after that.

Oh it was still difficult -- he laughed far less, and even when he smiled, it never reached his eyes --  but Trixie helped ease the pain.  She didn’t allow him to wallow in his sorrow.  She pushed and prodded him back into the world -- the world he desperately did not want to be a part of.  When he refused to go see Doctor Linda, she asked him to teach her how to cook.  Not satisfied with that, she pestered him to take her to the movies, get ice cream, and even accompany her to a roller derby bout, of all things.  Although she was also in mourning, she kept busy -- which meant keeping him busy.  In turn, Lucifer tried his best to do everything she asked.  He denied her nothing, which she seemed to enjoy, and on the days when she couldn’t stop weeping, he would take her into his arms and rock her like he had seen Chloe do from time to time.  It was an arrangement that suited the both of them.

Some days she would ask him to talk about his time working with her mother, and they would sit on the couch, arms slung over each other’s shoulders, as they reminisced about Chloe.  Those times were the hardest -- with his heart as brittle as glass, Lucifer feared that one sharp comment would shatter him into a million pieces, but Trixie handled him with kid gloves.  Her questions about her mother were gentle, kind, and often led to him telling her an amusing story.  When he did, he could almost feel a... a warmth, a glow in the room, as if Chloe was there in the penthouse, gazing at them with a tender smile.  It made the tears flow that much faster from the fallen angel’s eyes as his torn soul wept for his other half.

Years passed.

Trixie went to a local university, even though Lucifer encouraged her to go back east like she had originally planned to do, before Chloe fell ill.  Despite all of his protests, though, she just wouldn’t listen to him.  “I have to stay with you,” she said. “You need me.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes at her unwillingness to budge.   _Stubborn... so much like her mother._

He paid all of Trixie’s tuition.  He even tried to help her with her studies, although most times she just shook her head and laughed at his theories and his attempts to set her textbooks on fire.  She commuted from the penthouse, and although she ate her lunches on campus, they ate breakfast and dinner together.  And over time, the fallen angel began to look forward to sharing a meal with her.  It was nice having someone to eat with, someone with whom he could talk about Chloe, and their meals filled the horrible, aching void within him.  Warmth filled his chest whenever they ate, although the emptiness invariably returned once she went to class, or when she retired to her room to study.  But he never complained -- he just took a deep breath and endured.  After all, Trixie wasn’t Chloe -- she could only alleviate his pain temporarily.  Only his wife could mend his crippled soul, but she was gone, barred from him forever.

As Trixie became more socially active, Lucifer saw less and less of her, and his life slid back into the shadows.  Struggling to keep his head above water, he drank more, smoked more, partied more, but nothing helped.  He lost weight, his skin grew sallow, and he rarely smiled.

After four years, Trixie graduated summa cum laude from the university with a bachelor’s degree in biological sciences.  Then, after another four years, she graduated from medical school, again with top honors.  Lucifer’s insides sang with joy at her achievements, and if he didn’t know better he would have said he was proud of the little spawn.  Warmth filled him, and his heart squeezed as he watched her commencement ceremony.  Cheering her on from his spot on the uncomfortable bleachers, he held up his worn and creased picture of Chloe.

“See, love?  Your little spawn is graduating medical school.  She’s a doctor, now.”  The back of his eyes burned as he turned Chloe’s picture around so that he could see her.  A wide grin touched his face before it faded.  As he glanced up at a sky so blue that it hurt his eyes, his vision blurred from tears.  “Can you see her from up there, dearheart?  Are you watching?  I hope that cruel bastard is letting you see this, at least....”

Bloody hell, he missed her.  She should have been there beside him, laughing and beaming with pride....

His hand drifted to the pocket watch tucked in his jacket, the one he had specially made which held Chloe’s lock of hair in its cover. Lowering his head, he squeezed his eyes shut.   It was too unseemly to cry in front of all these humans.  Biting his lower lip, he took a deep breath.  When he opened his eyes, the photo of Chloe stared back at him.  Her eyes looked sad, even though she smiled.

He forced himself to smile back.  “I know, love.  Today’s not a day for tears.”  Lifting the photo once again, he and his wife watched the ceremonies.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Shortly after she started her residency, Trixie moved out on her own, promising to stay in touch with Lucifer.

It was quite a blow to the fallen angel. Oh, he knew it would happen some time, and she had been hinting at it before graduation, but he had never thought she would actually leave.  He had grown used to her presence.  Perhaps she wasn’t around as much as she used to be, but he still enjoyed making her breakfast in the morning, or waiting up for her until she came home at night.  Even when he had already retired to bed, he found comfort in hearing her creep around the penthouse and bump into things in the dark.

But now she was gone, and the penthouse became far too quiet for his liking.  When Chloe died, she had taken all the color out of Lucifer’s world, but, as difficult as that was, he still had Trixie to light his way.  But now with her gone, he had nothing... nothing but an infinitely vast abyss stretching out in front of him.

In an effort to fill the terrible silence, he partied at LUX, dancing and drinking every night with the patrons there, but nothing could fill the hollowness within him.  No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t fill emptiness in his soul.  Women and men both solicited him, but he turned them all down.  Sex with anyone but Chloe was meaningless, and he had no desire to experience it -- not when he had had the love of his life touch his soul.  He didn’t want second best -- he only wanted Chloe.

When he realized how futile his existence was, he went up to the penthouse and didn’t come out again.  Instead he curled up into a ball on his bed, wrapped himself up in his blankets, and buried his face in Chloe’s pillow.  And there he stayed.  Food and drink no longer had any appeal.  Day in, day out, he stayed huddled in his little cocoon, and didn’t rise unless absolutely necessary.  The blinds stayed closed, keeping him in eternal darkness.  Not that it mattered -- he was already lost without his family.

Trixie called every so often, and Lucifer was careful never to let her know how deeply he had sunk into depression.  He made sure he had the television on whenever she called, so that it sounded like he was constantly partying.  He didn’t want her to worry or stop living her life because he was a wretched Devil.  She didn’t need to know about his suffering.

Weeks stretched into months as he stayed under the covers and hoped his body would finally die -- for what was the point in existing if he couldn’t be with the one he loved? -- but his supernatural constitution thwarted him.  He stayed disgustingly healthy, even without food and drink, although he was pale and thin.  At times he wanted to rail at his father, but what good would that do?  The bloody wanker had made sure he would never see Chloe again, and frankly, it was just too much effort to get out of bed.  Dad was not worth it.

He didn’t know how much time had passed when he got a call from Trixie.

“Lucifer!”  Her bright voice came over the phone, loud and clear.

Damn it all, he forgot to turn on the television.  Wincing at his bad planning, he cleared his throat as he propped himself to a sitting position in bed.  “Hello, child.”

“How are you?  Are you okay?”

“Doesn’t it sound like I’m okay?”  It was the standard opening to all their telephone conversations.

“Well... it sounds awfully quiet.  I usually catch you when you’re partying.”

Lucifer cringed inwardly and tried to smile.  “Right... I thought I would rest today.”   _And every day until the end of eternity._

“Oh.”  She fell silent, which was unusual, since she was normally very chatty.

His brows furrowed.  “Is something wrong?”

“Uh....”  The silence stretched between them.

Worry started niggling at Lucifer’s brain, and his insides suddenly grew cold, as if a cold frost had formed around his heart.  “You... you aren’t sick, are you?”

“What?  No!”  Her vehement reply had him breathing a sigh of relief.

“Right.  Well, then, what is it?”

“I... I’vebeenseeingthisguyandhe’sreallysweetandIreallylikehimandIwantyoutomeethim.”

Lucifer pulled the phone away from his ear and squinted at it.  What did the spawn say?  She still spoke far too fast whenever she was overexcited about something....  “I beg your pardon?”

“PleasepleasepleaseLuciferIreallywantyoutomeetihimandhisnameisJonathanandyou’dlikehim--”

“Slow down!” he said.  “Bloody hell, I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”  When she fell silent, he took a deep breath.  “Now once more -- only slower.”

“I’ve been seeing this guy -- another resident.  His name is Jonathan Brooke.  He’s really nice, and I want you to meet him.  Please, Lucifer?  Please please please?  I know you’ll love him.”

Everything inside Lucifer started screaming like no tomorrow.  He didn’t want to meet this Jonathan character -- he sounded like a complete wanker.  Who was this stranger to try to steal Beatrice away?  He needed to be punished!

And yet....

Lucifer glanced at the photo of Chloe on his nightstand, only to see her staring at him disapprovingly, even though she smiled in the picture.  He looked away, then glanced back at the photo.  She was still glaring at him.

“Right.  Very well.”  It would mean getting out of bed and he was loathe to do that, but Chloe was still giving him the stink-eye.  He rubbed his forehead.  “When and where?”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer _hated_ Jonathan.

The Devil felt an instant loathing as soon as he saw the tall, athletic young man with the kind face and smiling eyes.  Jonathan looked entirely too... too... _good._  It turned his stomach.  Bloody hell, another ultra-pious wanker.  And he hated how the man -- no, boy -- had his arm around Beatrice’s shoulders possessively.  The temptation to plant his fist in Jonathan’s face was overwhelming.

Squeezing his hands into fists, he thrust them into his trousers, and nodded at the couple standing at a table just outside of Starbucks.  “Beatrice.”

She glowed as she smiled widely at him and pushed the young man forward.  “Lucifer, this is Jonathan.  Jonathan, Lucifer.”

Jonathan looked at Beatrice, then at the fallen angel with a grin.  “Lucifer?  You’re named after the Devil?”

Lucifer did not smile back.  “I _am_ the Devil.”

A look of panic fell over Trixie’s face, and a high-pitched laugh escaped her as she pushed her boyfriend down into a chair.  “Sit, sit!  Lucifer, you sit too.”

“He... he’s just saying that to scare me, right?” the fallen angel overheard the boy whisper to her.

As she looked at her stepfather, her eyes wide and pleading, Trixie patted the young man’s hand.  “He’s just joking around.  Right?”  She glared at the fallen angel meaningfully.

Narrowing his eyes, Lucifer stifled a growl as he sat down onto the uncomfortable metal chair and crossed his long legs.  Bloody wanker wanted to steal Beatrice, and he wasn’t going to let that happen.  What did he know about Vanilla Boy, anyway?  He wasn’t good enough for Chloe’s daughter, that was for sure.  He was sure the tosser had some deep, dark secrets hidden away.  They just needed to be unearthed so that Beatrice would realize that he was completely wrong for her.

“So... you’re a resident?” Lucifer asked with a raised eyebrow.

Swallowing hard, Jonathan nodded.  “Yes.  I want to be an oncologist, like Trixie.”  He glanced at her with such a sappy expression on his face that the Devil felt disgust wash over him.  “We met in medical school, and... well... we just... clicked.”

“Clicked.”  Sarcasm dripped from Lucifer’s words.  “Really.”

The young man didn’t even glance at Lucifer.  He kept his cow-eyes on Trixie, who returned the look tenfold.  “Yeah.  Really.  We’ve been dating for a while now.  She really makes me happy.”

Well, it looked like it was going to take a little devilish charm to expose this character for the bloody sod he was.  Placing his arm on the table, Lucifer tried to catch the boy’s attention.  “Jonathan.   _Jonathan.”_  When Vanilla Boy finally looked at him, the fallen angel smiled as he pulled up his charm.  “Tell me, what is it you desire more than anything in this world?”

Trixie’s hand shot out and grabbed Lucifer’s forearm as her face went white.  “Lucifer, _no --”_

Ignoring her, he pushed harder.  “Money?  Women?  Come on, Jonathan -- there must be something you want.  What is it?  You can tell me.”

“Lucifer, stop it!”  Trixie’s alarmed voice rang in his ears, but he ignored it.

Jonathan’s eyes glazed over.  “I... I....”

The Devil leaned forward, his smile growing even wider.  Any moment now the arrogant pillock would tell him how he wanted to sleep with all the women in Los Angeles, or that he desired being master of the world, or was into fornicating with goats....  “Yes?”

The boy’s face softened into a dreamy expression.  “I want to marry Trixie.”

Lucifer recoiled.   _What?_

Trixie turned to stare at Jonathan. “What?”

The young man smiled as he looked at Trixie.  “I want to marry you and help you cure pancreatic cancer.  We can do a world of good, just like you wanted....”

The Devil gaped at the boy.   _What?!_

Her face lighting up like the sun, Trixie threw herself into Jonathan’s arms and kissed him so passionately that the fallen angel had to look away before he was sick.  “Oh, Jonathan!”

The young man hugged her to him tightly.  “I didn’t mean to say that, but it’s true.  Will you marry me, Trixie?  I mean... I don’t have a ring yet, but I would be honored --”

“Yes!” she screamed right before she kissed him again.  “Yes, yes, yes!”

Lucifer’s stomach churned violently as a coldness seeped into his body, starting at his heart and working its way to the very tips of his extremities.  This was not supposed to happen!  What the bloody hell had just -- what had he done?   _What had he done?!_

Trixie turned to him and beamed.  “Thank you, Lucifer.  You don’t know how happy I am right now --”

He smiled sickly at her before he lurched to his feet.  “I... I have to go.”

Her eyes grew worried.  “Are you okay?”

The fallen angel couldn’t even look at her as his mind screamed how much of an oaf he was.  He was a prat, a pillock, a stupid _idiot._  “I just remembered....  I must go.”

After only having taken a few steps away from the table, he heard the scraping of metal chair legs against the concrete.  Trixie’s arm suddenly wrapped around him from behind and she hugged him tightly.  Flinching from the contact, he turned in her arms, so that he was facing her.  Her face was full of joy as she smiled up at him, her eyes shining like stars.  She looked so much like Chloe that his heart stopped beating for a moment.

“Thank you.  I’ve been trying to get him to confess his feelings for me for _months._  You’re awesome!”

Could he throw up now?  He really wanted to throw up now.

“Yes, well...”  His voice petered out as he gazed up at the sky.  This wasn’t at all what he had wanted or expected....  Dad was probably rolling on the floor, laughing.  And Chloe?  Most likely shaking her head.  Somehow, the fallen angel managed to pull up a smile for his stepdaughter.  “Go be with your young man.  I... I must go.”

Trixie pulled him down and planted a kiss on his cheek.  “You’re the best, Lucifer.  The very best.  I’ll call you later.”

He didn’t answer as she ran back to her boyfriend.  Nay -- fiance.  Bloody hell, this was a nightmare.  Could anything be worse?

Somehow he managed to get back to the penthouse, whereupon he flung himself on the bed without even disrobing and hid under the blankets.  The world had suddenly gotten colder and lonelier.  Twisting and turning, he tried to get comfortable, but couldn’t.  His mind was too full of the afternoon meeting.  Beatrice was going to marry Vanilla Boy.

She didn’t need him anymore.

A sharp pain stabbed his heart.  Grasping his chest, he grimaced as he curled into a little ball.  Why did it hurt so much?  He had always known the little spawn would start a life of her own.  So why did he want to fling himself over the balcony?

 _Because you’re truly alone._  The words rang in his head.  Chloe had entrusted Trixie to his care, and he had done his best to fulfill his promise... but now she had a new man in her life who would take care of her.  The fallen angel had become extra appendage, a leftover, a cast-off to be thrown away and replaced by the shiny new toy.  His last remaining tie to Chloe had been severed.

His eyes closed as he clutched his wife’s pillow to him.  The turbulent world spun around him as all of his anchors -- everything that kept him sane -- shifted, then suddenly dissolved around him.  He was lost, with nowhere to turn.  His beloved wife had been gone for ten years now.  When she died, his world had been rocked to its core, but he had slowly found his footing again on the slippery slope of life.  Now once again, the ground had shifted under his feet, throwing him down a rocky cliff, completely out of control.  He scrambled to grab a hold of something -- anything -- but there was nothing.

He was in freefall.

He couldn’t survive like this, and he knew it.  He had been fooling himself, thinking that he could recover from Chloe’s death.  He had thought that as long as he had Trixie to look after, he had a reason for living -- a reason for staying on Earth.  But the truth was that he just hadn’t wanted to let go.  Letting go meant recognizing that he would never see Chloe again -- his life, his heart, the very best part of him.  He hadn’t wanted to face living without her.  He was nothing without her.

Emerging from the covers, he looked at the photo of his wife on the nightstand.  With a heavy sigh, he reached over and pulled the silver frame close to him, studying Chloe as her image stared back at him, her eyes inscrutable.

“I’ve been fooling myself, have I not?”  His rough voice broke the silence.  He cocked his head as he tried to smile.  “I no longer belong here... but you know that, don’t you?”  When she merely looked at him, he nodded.  “And now, so do I.”  Throwing back the covers, he dragged himself out of bed.  “Right.  It’s high time I did something about it.”

Very quietly he hired a solicitor to take care of his estate after he was gone.  He decided to split everything between Beatrice, Amenadiel, Maze, Linda, Ella, and Dan.  They were his true family who had stayed by his side during his stay on Earth, and had suffered with him while he had taken care of Chloe.  It was the least he could do.

He wanted to do something special for Beatrice though -- she was, after all, all that was left of his wife.  Slipping off his onyx ring, he held it up and inspected it.  It had been with him for as long as he could remember.  Beatrice had commented on it a few times when she had been younger, saying how pretty it was.  It seemed fitting that she should have it.  Perhaps she would look upon it some day, and remember him with fondness.

His instincts screamed at him to return to Hell right away.  When he spoke to Trixie, though, she had already started planning her wedding and was so excited that he couldn’t mention to her that he was going to leave.  And besides, he wanted to make sure she had the perfect wedding.  Returning to his solicitor, he handed over his ring with specific instructions to give it to Trixie after she returned from her honeymoon.  Then, taking a deep breath, he delved into the nightmare planning for her wedding.

And what a nightmare it was.  Jonathan’s parents were Catholic, God-fearing folk and wanted the ceremony in a church, but Trixie knew Lucifer would not want that -- especially after the death of Chloe -- so that turned into a nasty fight.  They finally decided on a ceremony on the beach, but with a Catholic priest presiding.  The fallen angel thought that LUX would be perfect for the reception, but again, Vanilla Boy’s parents reared their ugly heads.  It _had_ to be at a hotel or a country club or something like that.  Lucifer wanted to punish someone -- badly.

Flowers, dress shopping, the cake, the food, the band....  Jonathan’s mother got into everything.  Lucifer worried that Trixie was going to have a difficult life with a mother-in-law like that, but she assured him that she would be okay.  She loved Jonathan, and loved conquered all.  The fallen angel certainly hoped so -- he wouldn’t be around to dole out punishment if things didn’t work out.

When the day of the wedding finally arrived, Lucifer dressed in his finest tuxedo with regret.  Today was the last day he would see Beatrice... the last day he would have any ties left with Chloe.  His hands shook as he tied his bow tie and stared at his reflection.  He looked... awful.  His face was pale, his eyes were sad.  Anyone looking at him would see how unhappy he was.  Pinching his cheeks, he tried to get some color into them, but he still looked like death warmed over.  Waving a dismissive hand at the mirror, he walked over to his desk and picked up his creased photo of Chloe -- the small one he took with him everywhere.  Placing it lovingly into his tuxedo jacket pocket, he gave it a reassuring pat, then picked up his pocket watch and tucked it into his vest.

“Let’s go give Beatrice away, shall we?”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Once Lucifer arrived on the beach, he was dismayed to find Vanilla Boy’s crazy mum running around, snapping out orders and generally making a nuisance of herself.  Narrowing his eyes, he stalked over to where she was, grabbed her by the arm, and dragged her to a quiet area away from the gathering crowd.

“Right.  I’ve had it with you.  You’re bossy and rude, and I won’t tolerate this anymore.”  He let his eyes flare red -- just a touch, enough to have her gasping in fear.  “Beatrice means the world to me, and if you ever do anything to upset her, I will track you down and drag you to Hell myself.”  As she took a step back with her hand on her chest, he let his eyes revert to a warm brown and gave her an easy smile.  “Now then, I think we understand each other, do we not?”  Straightening his tuxedo, the fallen angel took a deep breath and went to find the rest of the wedding party.

With the crazy mum-in-law sufficiently cowed, Lucifer was glad to see the ceremony proceed without a hitch.   Both he and Dan gave Trixie away, causing a stir among the guests as she walked between her gray-haired father and a man who could pass for the groom.  After they handed her over to Jonathan, the two fathers took a seat on the front pew.  Fumbling in his pocket, Lucifer pulled out Chloe’s photo and held it up as the ceremony got under way.  When his stepdaughter said her vows, his eyes burned and he blinked back his tears.  Dan sat next to him, eyeing the photo and Lucifer’s grim face.

After Trixie and Jonathan went off to take photos with the photographer, the guests dissipated to head over to the reception hall while Lucifer walked to the shoreline.  He lit up a cigarette and took a long drag as he heard the crunch of footsteps behind him.

“Hey, man.”

Lucifer looked away from the surf to glance at Dan, then tossed his cigarette down into the sand.  “Hello, Daniel.”

“I thought Chloe told you to stop smoking.”

“Yes, well....”  He squinted at the sunlight glinting off the waves.  “Old habits are hard to break.”

Dan stood abreast of the Devil and stared at the water.  “You really need to let her go, man.”

Lucifer pursed his lips and took a deep breath before he trusted himself enough to speak.  “Please, Daniel.  Do you honestly think you know what I really need?”

“It’s been ten years.”  The man ran a hand through his gray hair as he tipped his head.  “We’ve known each other a long time, and I know this much -- Chloe wouldn’t want you hanging on like this.”

An icy chill ran through Lucifer at his wife’s name.  His hands trembled as he pulled out another cigarette from his silver case.  “You know nothing of the sort.”

“I know she wouldn’t want you smoking.  I know she wouldn’t want to see you clutching onto her so hard.  She’d want you to live your life, man.  I mean, come on, you’re still young -- what are you going to say to her when you see her again?”

Tobacco drifted to the ground like snowflakes as the fallen angel’s fingers clenched, pulverizing the cigarette.  A roar resounded in his ears as his insides bellowed in pain and loss.  For a moment he reeled before his fist shot out, catching Dan across the jaw and sending him tumbling.

“What the hell, man!”

Lucifer jumped on the human, punching him twice before grabbing his lapels and snarling in his face.  “How dare you!”  Spittle flew from his mouth.  “You dare to mock me?  Taunt me with that which I cannot have?!”

Dan clawed at the Devil’s hands.  “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

“You know I will never see her again!  You know, and yet you --”  Lucifer looked sharply away before his eyes returned to Dan’s.  He leaned close -- so close they almost touched noses.  “Do you think I’d be agonizing over her passing if I knew I’d see her once more?   _Do you?_  Why is it that you will get to see her again in all her glory, hear her laugh, bask in her warmth, while I am barred from her presence for all eternity?”  Tears welled up in his eyes and burned tracks down his cheeks.  HIs throat closed as he struggled to keep the gasping sobs from escaping him.  Damn it all to Hell.  Blinking furiously, he turned his face away.  “It’s not fair.”  Shoving the other man away from him, he staggered to his feet.  “It’s just not fair.”

Dan rose and stumbled backward, away from the fallen angel.  “Lucifer --”

“You humans have all of Dad’s love, his mercy, but he has none to spare for his other children.  You will go to the Silver City and be with Chloe someday, while I...” Swallowing back his tears, he stalked away, leaving Dan alone on the sand.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The reception was unbearably long.  Lucifer listened to the various speeches with one ear only, while his mind wandered.  His fingers drew patterns on the tablecloth as he longed for the day to be over.  Luckily he sat at a table with friends -- Amenadiel, Maze, Linda, Ella, Dan and Penelope -- instead of with some dreary churchgoers.  Dan kept eyeing him warily, but when he saw that the fallen angel had no intention of continuing the fight on the beach, he finally relaxed.  Just sitting at the table felt bittersweet as the Devil studied his friends around him.  He would miss every single one of them -- bloody hell, he missed them already.

But nothing could fill the emptiness inside of him -- the place in his heart where Chloe used to be.  It was like living with a black hole inside of him -- it sucked away all of his joy, his will to live, leaving him nothing but an empty carcass that just wanted to die.  Every day on Earth without his wife was torture.  At least in Hell, he wouldn’t have constant reminders of her wherever he looked.

It was difficult pretending to be happy when all he wanted to do was sit in the corner and cry, but he pulled it off pretty well.  He laughed, although his eyes remained dead, and he drank.  Teasing Linda was always fun, although he was sure she could see right through his façade with her wise eyes, and he talked theology with Ella.  That was always stimulating.

The one awkward moment that happened was when Penelope took a look at Maze, Amenadiel and Lucifer, all sitting next to each other, and said, “You three...  I never noticed before, but you three look great.  Why don’t you age?”

“Right.  I’m the Devil,” Lucifer said at the same time Maze quipped, “Picture of Dorian Gray in the attic,” and Amenadiel said, “We’ve had a lot of work done.”

Penelope grinned.  “Well, give me your plastic surgeon’s name!  You all look like you haven’t aged a day!”

After the cutting of the cake, the dancing started and the deejay called for Dan to come up to the floor for the traditional Father/Daughter dance.  As the opening notes to “Unforgettable” played, Lucifer told himself he didn’t mind.  He wasn’t the spawn’s father, after all.  He wasn’t... anything to her.  His heart ached.  Indigestion... just indigestion.

After that was over, the deejay announced, “We have a special request from the bride -- a second Father/Daughter dance for Trixie’s stepdad, who has been there for her during all the important times of her life.  Lucifer Morningstar, will you please come up?”

For a moment Lucifer froze, unable to move.  When Amenadiel gave him a hard shove, nearly knocking him off his chair, he rose shakily to his feet as his heart pounded and his insides quivered.  Surely not with fear, but... something.  Happiness, perhaps.

Luther Vandross’s song, “Dance with My Father” played as Lucifer swept Beatrice into his arms and started swaying to the music.

“You look lovely tonight,” the fallen angel said as he gazed down at her.  “Just like your mum.”

Trixie smiled up at him. “Thank you.  That means a lot to me.”

“She’d be so proud....”  His voice petered out as they danced.  The only sound that could be heard in the quiet hall was the swish of Trixie’s dress.

She finally cleared her throat and gave him a lopsided smile.  “This song always makes me think of you.”  Her eyes filled with tears, glimmering like stars under the lights.  “You don’t know how many times I asked your dad to bring Mom down one time -- just one time -- for you.”

Lucifer froze on the dance floor, unable to move or breathe.  “You... you did?”

Trixie nodded as the tears coursed down her cheeks.  “Uh huh.  You loved each other so much....”  She threw herself in his arms and hugged him tightly.  “I want to you be happy.  I know how much you’ve been suffering, and it breaks my heart to see you like this.  I know we won’t see each other as often now that I’m married to Jonathan, but you won’t let that change anything, will you?”

A rush of tears flooded the fallen angel’s eyes as all the love he felt for this little human came bursting forth.  His heart ached at the thought of never seeing her again, but he took a deep breath and somehow pulled up a smile.  He returned her embrace tightly, leaning his cheek against her hair as he used to do so often with her mother.  “I love you, Beatrice, and I’m right proud of you.  Always remember that.”

They stayed in each other’s arms, both silently weeping but for different reasons, until the song ended.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added the video of "Dance with my Father" by Luther Vandross at the end of the chapter, for anyone who is unfamiliar with it. It's a very pretty but sad song. It seemed fitting to add it here, since Trixie references it.


	7. The Return to Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to my wonderful beta, titC! you are awesome!

 

 

After Lucifer saw Trixie and Jonathan leave for their honeymoon, the fallen angel dragged himself back home.  Walking into the penthouse, he glanced around at the familiar surroundings.  He had a lot of fond memories here, but it wasn’t home -- it hadn’t been for a long time.  With a sigh, he threw his car keys onto the bar counter and poured himself a large glass of Scotch.  Raising the full tumbler to the room, he saluted the penthouse.

“Right.  It’s been a wild ride.”  He downed the alcohol swiftly, then walked into the master bedroom.  He quickly changed into his favorite black Armani suit with his plum shirt, then put Chloe’s photo in his shirt pocket next to his heart and slipped his precious pocket watch into his jacket.  Closing his eyes, he tipped his head back and tried to quell the burning at the back of his eyes. The frozen rock inside his chest that was supposed to be a heart ached with each beat.

It was time to go.

Shaking out his wings, he strode to the living room, then out onto the balcony.  The night air was cool and refreshing, but did nothing to soothe his anguish.  Leaning over the balcony, he studied the city lights below him, twinkling like colorful stars.  It would be the last time he’d see this lovely sight.  Taking a deep breath, he tried to soak up the aroma that was Los Angeles -- the smog, the moisture in the air, the smell of the damp earth in the planters.  Somewhere in the distance, he heard a bird break out into song.  A smile touched his lips.  Even in this concrete jungle, wondrous things could still be found -- much like his Chloe.  A shining, beautiful soul in a world full of ugliness.  She had been a blessing in his life, and although their time had been short, he’d never forget a second of it.  Not one single second.

Spreading his wings wide, he threw himself over the balcony and let the wind lift him, carry him away, until the world grew small beneath him and his only companions were the stars that filled the night sky.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

He didn’t go to Hell right away -- he didn’t see the need.  Dear old Dad had barred him from Heaven and Chloe, but that didn’t mean he had to go straight back to Hell.  Instead he landed in Purgatory -- the way station between realms.  When souls were not sent directly to Heaven or Hell because of the ambivalence about their nature, this was where they came.  Here they were interviewed, their paperwork processed, and their souls measured and weighed, before getting sent to their final destination.  Lucifer thought it was almost as bad as being in the DMV without an appointment.  Hopeless couldn’t even describe the faces of the souls as they waited in lines that stretched to infinity.

Wandering through the crowd, the fallen angel hardly drew any attention as he wove between spirits.  He felt as despondent as these sods looked.  Maybe he belonged here, instead of Hell...?  Perhaps it was better being in this gray, colorless realm -- at least nothing here would remind him of Chloe.  He could find a quiet corner to curl up in, and sleep for the rest of eternity.  No one would even miss him.

A stiff drink would be nice before he sequestered himself, though.  One of his siblings once told him that there was a tavern around, somewhere.  He could get one last meal before finding a place to be alone with his precious memories.  Jogging for what felt like forever, he finally shoved his way to the front of the line, where an angel sat behind a desk covered with stacks of files.

As the angel looked up from the mountains of paperwork before him, his eyes widened and his mouth fell open.  “L-Lucifer?  What are you doing here?”

“Hello, Dokiel.”  Lucifer sat on the desk and flashed his most amiable smile at his brother, even though he didn’t feel sociable.  “Having fun pretending to be Dad and judging all these poor sods?”

“Same old Lucifer.”  His brother shook his head as he chuckled.  “Believe me, I’d rather have the job of mucking out horse stables than this one.  At least then I’d see some progress made.  The lines here stretch back to infinity.  Just when I think I’m making inroads into the backlog, Father dumps more unjudged souls on me.  I wish he would let me take a vacation.”

“Yes, well, Dad was never known to be a kind taskmaster.”  Lucifer glanced behind him at the long line of forlorn souls waiting to be called.  “I thought I’d come to see how the other half lives, but it’s bloody boring.”

The corner of the angel’s mouth lifted.  “I could have told you that.  You catching the ferry back to Hell, then?”

“I thought I’d hang around here for a spell.”  The Devil looked off in the distance, where he spied the turbulent waters of the River Styx.   “But if I decide to return, I’ll take the ferry -- I can get a head start on punishing the souls onboard.”

His brother’s mouth quirked up.  “That sounds good.  Not sure if the souls would like it much, but....”

Lucifer shrugged, then craned his neck to look around the flat landscape.  “Right.  I heard there was a tavern around here -- you know, the one where the judged souls go to get their last meal before meeting their fate.  Is it open?”

“It’s always open, but you’ll be lucky if Yehudiah gives you anything besides water.”

The fallen angel snorted contemptuously.  “That self-righteous prick?  I bet he hoards all the good alcohol for himself.”

A bark of laughter escaped Dokiel.  “Don’t let him catch you saying that -- you’ll end up with his fist in your face.  You know how to get there?”  As Lucifer shook his head, his brother waved to the area behind him, toward his left.  “Follow the road, then make a right at the fork.  Walk a bit and you can’t miss it.”

“Thanks, bro.”

The fallen angel edged around his brother’s desk and started down the road.  Although he passed a few souls on the way, they didn’t look up at him, and he didn’t give them a second glance.  He didn’t know how long he walked, nor did he care.  Now that he wasn’t around his sibling, he dropped all pretenses of social niceties and stopped trying to hide his despair.  His insides felt completely gray and devoid of life.  Everything felt mechanical -- even walking -- as if he was living on autopilot.  Nothing mattered to him.

At last he reached the tavern.  Gray and drab, it fit the atmosphere perfectly.  As he opened the door, the thing that struck him was the sheer stillness of the place.  Having owned LUX, he expected to see dancers on the floor, people talking to each other over the hubbub of loud music, and the smell of cigarette smoke in the air, but there were none of these things.  It was as quiet as a tomb.

Everyone turned to look at him as he entered, then swiftly lost interest and returned their attention to their drinks or food.  No one spoke or even looked at each other.  They kept their eyes down.  Lucifer blinked at the utter hopelessness in the room, then nodded to himself.  He was in good company here.  Weaving around customers, he made his way to the bar and took a seat.

The bartender, a big angel with brown feathers, eyed him warily while he wiped a shot glass with a dish towel until it squeaked.  “Lucifer.”

“Yehudiah.”  The Devil shot him a charming grin, even though he was tired and felt anything but charming.  Lifting up his hands, he quipped, “I come in peace.”

‘Hah.  That’ll be the day.”  The sibling slammed the shot glass onto the counter.  “What’ll it be?”

“Scotch.  Neat.”

The angel lifted his chin.  “As long as you don’t make trouble, I’ll pour you one.  But if you do anything to disrupt this nice atmosphere I have going, I’ll kick you outside so fast your head will spin.”

Lucifer snorted.  “Please, I’m not Linda Blair -- my head doesn’t spin.  And you think this atmosphere is nice?  Brother, this place is deader than Julius Caesar!”

“And I like it that way.”  Yehudiah slid a full shot glass toward him.  “Just drink, Lucifer.”

The fallen angel caught the drink and downed it in one gulp.  Waving to his brother, he said, “Another.”

Nursing the second shot, he leaned against the bar counter as he stared down at the amber liquid.  How he longed to go back in time ten years -- no, further back than that.  If he could just go back to when Chloe was completely healthy, he would take her to see every specialist he could find and have them cure her cancer while it was still in its infant stage.  Of course, to do that, he had to be Dad, and... he wasn’t, nor was he Amenadiel -- not that his brother could go back in time either, not since the return of his powers so long ago.

Then again, if he _was_ Dad, he could have cured her with just a touch, a mere thought.  But that arrogant bastard hadn’t, had he?  He had targeted Chloe -- beautiful, brave Chloe -- and let her suffer in the worst way possible... and for that, Lucifer swore he would punish him somehow, some way, even if it took his entire lifetime.  There was no reason why his wife should have died.  They should have been enjoying the best years of their lives, not... not....

Squeezing his eyes shut, he rubbed his forehead and pushed back the overwhelming loneliness eating at his soul.  He couldn’t think about life without Chloe.  Enduring it for ten years had been hell even with Beatrice helping him through, and he still had all of eternity stretching out before him.  It was enough to drive him insane.

His thoughts were interrupted by the scraping of chair legs against the floor as someone pulled back the bar stool next to him.  Averting his eyes, Lucifer sighed and tried to ignore the newcomer.  He heard the creak of the stool as the soul sat down, but kept his attention on his drink and his aching heart.

“The usual?” he heard Yehudiah say, then listened to the sound of a liquid being splashed into a glass.

The fallen angel rubbed his eyes, then pinched the bridge of his nose.  He was so tired... so bloody tired.  He really needed to find that corner of Purgatory where he could lie down and die -- or at least pretend to, until he could work out a revenge suitable against dear old Dad.

A tap on his shoulder broke into his reverie, but the Devil ignored it.  He didn’t want or need company.  It was probably some bloody sibling, anyway -- they were the only ones who frequented this wretched place.  Yehudiah had said “the usual,” as if he knew the newcomer well.  Yes, it had to be a sibling.

When he felt the tap again, he hunched away from the touch and mumbled, “Go away.”

Yehudiah snorted behind the counter.  “You’re an idiot, Lucifer.”

The fallen angel’s eyes flew open at that, flaring bright red.  “I beg your pardon?”

His brother smirked.  “I said, you’re an idiot.”

Lucifer’s arm shot out, grabbing the bartender’s robes as he pulled him close.  Getting nose to nose with him, he snarled, “Don’t call me an idiot, you bloody prick.  You know nothing of what I’ve gone through -- _nothing.”_

“Lucifer.”

He froze at the sound of the voice: soft, feminine, and familiar... bloody familiar.  Fear filled him -- not of the voice, but that it wasn’t real.  It couldn’t be real, could it?  Chloe was at the Silver City with his prick of a dad, happy with her family.  She wouldn’t be here, in Purgatory.  She _couldn’t_ be --

“Lucifer, let your brother go.”

His hand slowly loosened from his brother’s robes as the blood drained from his face.  With his heart pounding so hard he thought it would jump right out of his chest, he slowly turned toward the soul beside him.

Chloe stared back at him -- young, beautiful Chloe, healthy and full of life.  Her full, thick mane of burnished gold hung loose around her shoulders, and she wore black leggings, a white blouse, and her favorite camel coat -- the one she had worn the first time they had kissed.  Her face broke out into a wide grin as her eyes twinkled.

Lucifer gaped at her as he tried to get the words past the lump in his throat.  “I-I’m dreaming,” he finally managed to say.

She shook her head.  “You’re wide awake.”  Her voice was strong, happy... _alive._

The room suddenly spun around the fallen angel as lightheadedness washed over him.  Grabbing onto the bar counter desperately, he struggled to stay upright.  When Chloe grabbed his arm to help support him, something inside him snapped.  At her touch, tears burst from his eyes and he turned and hauled her into his arms, squeezing tightly.  Her familiar scent washed over him as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.  Finally pulling back, he cupped her face with shaking hands.

“Are you real?” he asked over and over.  “Are you real?”

Tears streamed down her face as she nodded and smiled.  “Yes, my love.  I’m real.”

His breath hitched in his chest as big, ugly sobs burst from his throat and more tears rolled down his cheeks in a torrent.  He was so full of emotion that he couldn’t even articulate her name -- the only thing that came out of his mouth was loud, animalistic howling as he hugged her to him again.

“Awww, Chloe, you didn’t tell me that you were going to _break_ Lucifer when you finally saw him,” Yehudiah said with disgust.  “Criminy, the Devil crying in my tavern!  Out -- you need to take him outside.  I can’t have you disturbing the peace.”

Lucifer was barely aware of Chloe gently guiding him out of the tavern.  The feel of her arms around him, the floral essence of her hair, the sound of her soft voice murmuring gentle words of comfort... it all made him cry that much harder.

How long they stood there in each other’s arms, he didn’t know... but at last the storm passed.  He took deep, shuddering breaths as he fought for control.  Although his eyes still burned, he had run out of tears to shed.  His body shook violently against her until, at last, his heart returned to a normal rhythm and his lightheadedness waned.

“I... I thought I’d never see you again,” he said in a trembling voice.  “I felt you ascend.  You left me....”

“Believe me, I didn’t want to.’  Her arms tightened around him.  “I never wanted to leave you.”

Reveling in her warmth, Lucifer closed his eyes as he squeezed her again.  It was like a dream come true.  “Why are you here?  What... what happened when you left?”

She snuggled against him.  “Well, I went to the Silver City, and was assigned a nice room there.  I got to see my father and grandparents, which was wonderful... but I wasn’t happy.”

“You weren’t?”

Pulling back, she lifted an eyebrow at him.  “How could you possibly think I’d be happy without you?”

The gray sky suddenly looked quite interesting to Lucifer.  “Well....  I _am_ the Devil, love -- a mon--”

“No.”  She glared at him.  “Don’t you dare say you’re a monster or I will beat the tar out of you, do you hear me?”

His eyes smoldered with passion.  “Oooh, is that a promise?  I’m a monster, a monster, a mon--”  She punched him hard in the arm.  “Ow!”

“Serves you right.”  Chloe grinned up at Lucifer as he rubbed the sore spot, before she grew serious again.  “But it’s true -- I was really unhappy without you.  I was finally able to arrange an audience with your dad, with Raphael’s help --”

“Rafe?”  Lucifer’s eyebrows rose.  “That pillock?”  She punched him again.  “Ow!  Bloody hell, Detective --”

“Be nice.  He helped me -- helped us.  If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have gotten to talk to your dad.”

The smile fell off of the fallen angel’s face.  “And... how did that go?”

Chloe’s cheeks grew pink as she started looking everywhere but at him.  “Well... I... uh....  I punched him.”

“You punched...?”  Lucifer roared with laughter.  “Well done, dearheart, well done!”  His eyes sparkled.  “Where did you punch him?  In the eye?  The jaw?  Did you break his nose?  You should have kicked him in the --”

“Lucifer!”  Her face grew redder.  “I am not going to kick God in the... well, in his privates!”

“Well, that’s a shame, but at least you punched him.”  He couldn’t keep the smug look off his face.  “What did you do then?  Tell him what an absolute wanker he was?  Too bad you couldn’t shoot him.”

Chloe rolled her eyes.  “We sat down and had a talk.  I told him I wanted to be with you.”

All amusement fell off of the fallen angel’s face.  “Right.  I can imagine how well _that_ went down.”

Tipping her head, she gazed up at him. “It went surprisingly well, actually.  He said he already had plans for reuniting us.”

His mouth fell open.  “Bloody bastard!  He dared to tell you that after he _killed_ you?!”

“He had a reason for that.”

The fallen angel’s head throbbed as his heart skipped a beat, and he clenched his hands to keep them from shaking.  “And what, pray tell, was this _reason?”_

She grimaced.  “He didn’t want you taking me for granted.”

“Take you for --”  Lucifer gaped at her.  “That arrogant bastard.”  His voice rose as his head reared back and his nostrils flared.  “That bloody tosser!  This is why I hate him -- that wanker!”

“Lucifer --”

The fallen angel’s blood pressure started to rise, and his heart pounded furiously in his chest.  “How _dare_ he even _suggest_ I would take you for granted! I would never...!  And to put you through all that pain -- for that?!  If I ever lay eyes on him again, I will beat him to a pulp -- and then I will _punish_ him.”

“Lucifer, no --”

“He put me through hell!  Worse yet, he put _you_ through hell!”

“Yes, well, it wasn’t pleasant, but --”

Blood rushed to his face, filling his cheeks with heat as he shouted.  “And after all of that, why didn’t he let you stay on Earth?!  He lets other spirits stay on Earth --”

She winced.  “Earth is off-limits to me.  He said you wouldn’t learn to appreciate me if you didn’t have time alone to reflect --”

The pressure in Lucifer’s head threatened to explode.  “You see?   _You see?!_  He’s a bloody bastard!  Who is he to tell me how to think or feel?!  What does he know about relationships?!  He destroyed his own marriage to Mum -- how dare he dictate to me how I should treat my own wife!”

 _“Calm down.”_  Chloe sighed.  “Okay, granted, he’s an arrogant ass, but look -- he knew we were going to be together for the rest of eternity and wanted to make sure we’d stay together.  His intentions were good, even though his execution left something to be desired.  He’s just a dork.”

The fallen angel ground his teeth together.  “He’s more than a dork -- he’s a dick!  A dorky dick!  A manipulative, cruel --”

“Shhhh.”  She placed a finger on his lips.  “Let it go.  We’re together now, and that’s all that matters.  Besides, you don’t want to anger him.  He can always yank me back to the Silver City at any time.”

His arms tightened around her.  “As if he could.  I won’t let him.  I’m never letting you go again, Chloe -- well, not unless you want to go.”

Her eyes sparkled at him.  “That will never happen.”

Lucifer’s face grew hot at her words, and he swooped down to kiss her with all the love he felt inside.  It had been so long....  After they both surfaced from the kiss, breathing hard, he frowned as her words came back to him.  “You said Earth is off-limits to you?  You can’t return?”

She shook her head sadly.  “He said my return would set a bad precedent.  That’s why he sent me down here to wait for you. He said you were very predictable and wouldn’t go straight to Hell.”

A snort escaped him.  “Right... as if he knows anything about me.”  The fallen angel eyes grew troubled as he gazed at his wife.  “But... if you can’t go back to Earth, and I’m banned from the Silver City, that only leaves here and....”  He glared at the sky with narrowed eyes.  “Why, that bloody, arrogant wanker!”

Hugging him close, she gazed up at him.  “I’m happy as long as we’re together.”

Glancing around at the drab landscape around them, he pursed his lips.  “This place is bloody boring, but I suppose we could make a home here --”

She lifted an eyebrow.  “Why would I want to stay here?”

Lucifer’s mouth fell open.  “You can’t possibly want to go to Hell --”

“Why not?”

“Why...?!”  His brows furrowed as he felt her forehead with his hand.  “Bloody hell, has being away from the Silver City given you a fever?”

Chuckling, she knocked his hand away.  “I’m perfectly fine.”

“But....”  He squinted at her.  “You _are_ my wife, are you not?”

“You have to ask?”  She gave him such a fierce glare that he had no doubt of her identity.

Swallowing hard, he tugged at his collar.  “Right.  It’s just that....”

“Yes?”

“It’s Hell, darling.   _Hell._  And you deserve so much better --”

Heaving a sigh, she tucked her hand in the crook of his elbow and started walking along the riverbank, dragging him along beside her.  “Lucifer, I don’t care if we’re in Heaven or Hell or even on Pluto.  What matters is that we’re together.”

Stopping in his tracks, he stared down at her as his brows drew together.  “Are you sure, love?  I don’t want you to have regrets --”

“The only regret I have is that your father didn’t send me to you right away.”

When she said things like that, he felt such an overwhelming rush of love that he kissed her deeply once again, drawing it out into long minutes as his hands roamed over her body.  Lucifer reveled in the feel of her, the reassuring solidity of her against his, as he embraced her.  Taking a deep breath, he smiled as the floral fragrance that was distinctly her washed over him, surrounded him, and made him feel... what?  He wasn’t sure.  Cocking his head, he mulled over the warmth in his chest, his quickened breaths, the thumping of his heart.  Alive.  Yes, that was it.  He felt alive for the first time in years.

“I love you, Chloe Jane Decker Morningstar.  Now, forever, always.  You are my world.”

She gave him a brilliant smile as she gazed up at him. “And you are mine.  I love you, Lucifer Morningstar.  Now, forever, always.”

It was like a renewal of their wedding vows.  Lucifer felt her words right down to his toes as his entire body started tingling with excitement.  He had his Chloe back -- his Chloe!

Her aqua eyes twinkled like stars.  “Show me your realm, Mr. Morningstar.  I want to see it.”

His insides twisted at the thought of Chloe in that dark, ash-laden place.  “It... it isn’t pretty.”

“I don’t care.”  Pulling him down, she kissed his cheek.  “Show me.”

Studying her, he saw the determination in her face, and sighed.  “Very well.  I’ll fly us over --”

“No.”  Shaking her head, she smiled at him.  “I want to take the ferry.”

He blinked at her.  “The ferry?  But... it’s damned uncomfortable....”

For a moment her expression grew distant as she gazed across the expanse of water.  “I’ve watched so many souls take the journey while I waited, wondering what it was like.  They always seemed so wretched and unhappy...  Surely it couldn’t be as bad as waiting.”  She sighed.  “Every day I watched the souls come and go, hoping every minute, every second, that you would arrive.”

His heart squeezed as he realized how hard the separation had been on her.  Harder than him, for time moved so much faster down here than on Earth.  For millennia she had stayed true, waiting for him, while he had only lost her ten years ago.  “Chloe....”

As if suddenly realizing he was standing beside her, she suddenly laughed self-consciously.  Reaching over she squeezed his hand.  “And here you are!  At last.  I know you could fly us over, but... I want us to take the ferry together.”

He smiled gently down at her, his heart weeping at the thought of all the time she had waited and suffered.  “Whatever you wish, my dear.  I realize you were waiting for me a very long time, but I want you to know....”  Fumbling in his pockets, he pulled out his creased photo of her and his pocket watch.  Gazing at her tenderly, he handed them to her.  “You were always with me, my dear.  Always.”

Tears sprang to her eyes as she looked at the photo, then opened the cover on the pocket watch and saw her lock of hair in the inside cover.  “Oh, Lucifer....”  She threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly.  “I missed you so much!”

The pressure of her arms felt so good.  The world shifted around Lucifer, as if suddenly everything clicked into its rightful place.  “And I, you.  You have no idea how much.”

After handing back the watch and photo to him, she broke away and ran ahead, laughing as she glanced over her shoulder at him.  Lucifer found himself grinning back.  How he had missed her!  Her smile, her laugh, just... her.  The back of his eyes stung and his throat tightened, but he forced the threatening tears away.  This was no time to be maudlin -- he had his Chloe, they were together at last, and they’d never be apart again.

With a chuckle he gave chase, and they frolicked like two teenagers in love.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The trip across the wide river was surprisingly peaceful.

Lucifer was prepared to share the ferry with a boatload of miserable souls destined for Hell, but the ferryman, a tall figure cloaked in a simple, brown woolen garment, merely looked at them and walked away from the large ship, waving at them to follow.  He grinned -- quite a disturbing sight, considering that he was already a skeleton -- and beckoned them onto a smaller, private boat with a long sculling oar.  The fallen angel helped Chloe to the seat and then sat down beside her as the ferryman pushed off from the dock, then began to push the oar back and forth, giving them a private trip to Hell.

Although the water looked turbulent from the shore, the river was calmer than he had expected, but perhaps it knew that Hell’s lord and master was returning to his realm.  Lucifer threw an arm around Chloe’s shoulders as they enjoyed the boat ride over.  As she leaned into him, he kissed her hair and closed his eyes as the warmth of her body seeped into his.  Her arms snaked around his waist and they smiled at each other.  When the ferryman behind them chuckled, the fallen angel turned and cast a glance at the skeleton.

“What are you laughing at?”

The ferryman opened his mouth, upon which a fair amount of screeching came forth.  Wincing, Chloe covered his ears as Lucifer gaped at their skipper.

“I beg your pardon!  I am not!”

The skeleton screeched out another cackle as Lucifer turned back toward the front.  Snorting, the Devil crossed his arms in front of his chest and glowered.

Chloe eyed him with interest.  “What did he say?”

He shot a dark look back at the ferryman.  “He said I’ve become soft.”

Laughing, the blonde woman kissed him on the cheek.  “Well, you are, with me.”

Warmth filled Lucifer’s chest as he slowly relaxed and smiled down at her.  “Only with you, darling.”

Glancing back, she gave the ferryman a blinding smile.  “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

If Lucifer didn’t know better, he would have said the skeleton blushed, which was impossible, considering he had no flesh.  But the ferryman ducked his head, bowed shyly, and looked everywhere but at Chloe.  The fallen angel rolled his eyes.  What a pillock.

When they at last reached Hell’s shore, the skeleton pulled the boat up to the dock and tied it off.  Lucifer stepped out first before turning to Chloe.  “Are you sure about this, love?  We can still head back --”

Her eyebrows rose as she looked at him.  “Why would I want to?”

He bit his lower lip.  “What if you want to go back and see your father?  Or your little spawn when she goes to the Silver City, or Penelope or Daniel or everyone else?  I don’t want to trap you here --”

Chloe chuckled.  “Don’t be silly.  Your father gave me a pass to go wherever I choose -- except Earth -- and besides, we could always meet our family and friends at the tavern.  Now help me out.  I want to feel the ground under my feet.”

So he placed his hands on her waist and lifted her carefully out of the boat.  As he set her onto the dock, the ferryman screeched at her, then turned to him.  The fallen angel sighed.

Chloe cast curious eyes at her husband.  “What did he say?”

“It seems, my dear, that you have completely captivated him.  He asked if you might visit him from time to time.  He’d be happy to take us on boat rides whenever we wish.”

“Oh that’s so sweet!”  She beamed at the skeleton, then reached out and squeezed his bony hand.  “We would love to visit you.  Thank you.”

The ferryman ducked his head again, then tried to get back into his boat but tripped and fell in a tangle of bones.  Chloe cried out and took a step forward to help, while Lucifer covered his eyes with his hand.  The skeleton quickly righted himself in the boat and hurriedly cast off from shore, sculling as fast as he could while looking sheepishly over his shoulder at the couple.

“I think we embarrassed him,” Chloe said as she glanced at Lucifer.

He snorted.  “He’s a ninny.”

Chuckling, she glanced around at the dry, hot landscape around them.  “Well, Mister Morningstar, what will you show me first?”

He waggled his eyebrows at her as he tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow.  “The palace -- specifically the bedroom.”

Chloe’s laugh rang out like birdsong in the still air as she hugged him.  “Oh, Lucifer, I have missed you!”

His face grew warm as he pulled her close and buried his face in her hair.  “I missed you too -- you can’t even imagine how much.”

Her face filled with mischief as they started to walk.  “So... first the palace bedroom.  And then?”

His gaze grew sultry.  “Then we can try out every other bedroom there.  Maybe the throne room.  Always wanted to have sex there....”

Chloe lifted an eyebrow at him.  “Don’t you ever think of anything else?”

He glanced down at her with surprise.  “Of course not.  I’m the Devil, my dear -- I’m all about sex.”  He thrust out his chest and lifted his chin with a smile.  “It’s my jam.”  He waggled his brows at her.  “And you know I can fulfill your every desire....”

Sighing, she leaned her head on his arm.  “At _some_ point I would like to see the sights.”

He snorted.  “It’s Hell, my dear.  There are no sights, although....”  He thought a bit.  “We can take a trip to the Gehenna Archipelago.  The Molten Sea can be beautiful in its own way, and the Hellbeasts are a sight.  Then there’s the Flaming Forest and the Barathrum Rock Plains....”

Chloe grinned up at him.  “You see?  Plenty of places to see, beside the palace bedrooms.”

“Well, I suppose.”  His face grew dreamy.  “We can have sex in all those places, as well.”

She rolled her eyes at him.  “Oh my god, Lucifer --”

“Please, Detective!  Not Dad, me!  You’re having sex with _me!”_

When Chloe groaned and slapped her palm on her forehead, Lucifer chuckled as his heart burst with warmth.  Giving her a squeeze, he looked ahead to their future together -- they had all of eternity, which was a glorious thought.  It filled him with happiness.  True, they were in Hell, but they could make the most of it.  Taking a deep breath, he squelched the urge to run all over the arid landscape, shouting his love to everything and everyone around him.  He was the ruler here and had a reputation to maintain!  So instead he stood up straight, beamed down at his wife and puffed up with joy.  His Chloe -- how he loved her!

Walking down the path, arm in arm, they were blind to the ash falling around them and the shimmering heat of the air.  The Lord and Lady of the Underworld had found their heaven... and, for the first time in its creation, flowers bloomed in Hell.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this angsty thing, and I hope that the ending was satisfying for you. In a few centuries, Hell will be a paradise, with Chloe and Lucifer as its very happy rulers. <3 (God’s plan was for Lucifer to have his very own heaven, so that he'd have the freedom to do as he wished.) If you’re wondering about the significance of the tavern in Purgatory, I took it from this poem that my mom read at her mother’s funeral, and which I, in turn, read at hers.
> 
> Mourn moderately your beloved dead.  
> They are not dead, but gone before,  
> Treading the road that all travelers must one day go,  
> There to meet at the tavern to spend eternity together.
> 
> The thought of meeting loved ones in the afterlife at a tavern and spending eternity together is a nice sentiment. <3 Thank you for traveling on this journey with me. I really appreciate all of your kind words and support. AO3 has the best readers -- you all rock!!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a death fic. If terminal illness -- specifically cancer -- is a trigger, this is not the story for you.


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